Man Cuts Off His Penis Accidentally - Dog Eats It

[matcom]

<snip>

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=573&e=9&u=/nm/20041004/od_nm/penis_dc

[skooooo]

1. a chicken neck??!

wtf?

[DemoTex]

50. Sylvia Plath called the penis a "turkey neck."

Maybe Ted Hughes' was bigger.

[demnan]

2. Moral of story

Don't attempt to kill a chicken without your glasses and keep your dog well fed.

[barb162]

33. better his dick than the chicken

[kick-ass-bob]

3. I'm wondering where he thought the chicken was...

:shrug:

[Lord_StarFyre]

4. How much Vodka

...Does it take to make a guy so retarded to be using sharp intruments, while naked...

[Wickerman]

5. Darwin award nominee

[LibLabUK]

14. He can still reproduce..

so he's not eligible for the Darwin award.

[Wickerman]

15. ?

color me stupid, but it would seemingly be difficult to do so without a penis.

[LibLabUK]

18. Hmm...

Difficult? Maybe. Impossible? No.

You only need gonads to reproduce, you don't require a penis.

Harvesting sperm directly from the epididymis or vas deferens is a relatively simple surgical procedure (performed under local) and it is often done for couples undergoing IVF treatments.

You can also take a small biopsy of testicular tissue extract the immature sperm, but you have to perform intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) to get it to fertilise an egg.

[Wickerman]

20. True, technically

but doubtful an elderly man in Galati,Romania is going to have the resources to have an ICSI accomplished, though perhaps a sperm harvest could be done in rural Romania.

But, as you say, he would be disqualified from the Darwin prize.

:hi:

[LibLabUK]

24. Hehe..

Discussing the likelihood that an elderly man in Eastern Europe has access to state-of-the-art fertility treatments...

It's conversations like this that keep me coming back to DU!

:)

[Wickerman]

25. doesn't this little exchange just sum it up?

:silly:

Gotta love DU.

[Columbia]

60. ok

[GingerSnaps]

6. It must have been big

:silly:

That's his story and he is sticking to it.

[unblock]

7. you're supposed to CHOKE the chicken, not slice its neck!

[WoodrowFan]

26. damn

I was gonna say that!

[jdonaldball]

8. "Dog Bites Man", so, is that really news?

[ps1074]

9. WTF is wrong with Romania?

WTF is in the romanian water? Most of these weird stories come from Romania

[underpants]

10. Awwwwwww a doggie with a chicken neck

[burythehatchet]

11. Another moral of the story

don't place your package on the cutting board when beheading a chicken.

[soothsayer]

12. Maybe he watched John Water's Desperate Living (same thing

happened there, where the lesbian who had the sex change cuts HER's off and throws it out the window and a dog eats it...!)

[HEIL PRESIDENT GOD]

13. So that's how to explain it

When oral sex with the family dog goes too far.

[Bunny]

16. Can any of you men explain this?

Never having had a penis, I can't claim to understand all the different aspects involved.

But is it really possible to mistake your weiner for a chicken neck? Even if you were dead drunk and half blind, is such a thing even possible? :crazy:

[ironflange]

17. Good God, no

I, however, somtimes think, "Where did this fire hose come from?"

:evilgrin:

[JVS]

19. My theory is that he was hunched over due to old age

67 may not sound to old to us, but we're talking Romania here. Not to mention that this guy was born in 1937 so growing up during the war probably did not help his stature. So, you're old, half-blind and hunched over and you're reaching out with one hand in the dark towards a chicken with your knife ready to cut immediately lest the chicken get away. This is when the slip up happens.

[no name no slogan]

30. But why would he butcher chickens without pants on? (n/t)

[JVS]

34. He was killing the chicken for being loud and keeping him awake

It is only natural to run out in the middle of the night to kill things

[leftist_rebel1569]

36. Well, apparently it's possible

since some guy actually did it, anyways. Honestly, though, I don't have the slightest clue how he could have done that.

[Amigust]

62. It was during the night, he was tired, very upset, probably cussing,

dog probably barking up a storm, who knows how much plaque clogs his brain, maybe he was drunk, moving fast, holding the flopping chicken in his lap while standing, had a free swinging burrito grande, diminished sensitivity of age -- yeah, I think its possible.

[chaska]

21. Sheesh, now that's a bad night.

[skygazer]

22. Trying to envision how he could manage this is mind boggling

Okay, he rushed out, grabbed the chicken.... how the hell did his penis even get involved in this procedure? One would think that when he grasped it to cut, he would notice that it was not covered with feathers. Or was it? Are Romanian penises different?

Leave it to Matcom to find this story!

[Placebo]

23. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grosssssssssss, this is nasty on so many levels, BLECH! :puke:

[MallRat]

27. I read the headline, and my only thought was...

"This must be a Matcom thread."

:-)

-MR

[DS1]

28. Dog posthumously renamed "Sir Rod Munch"

:7

[JohnKleeb]

29. The things you do while drunk eh

Goddamn thats hilarious.

[Hawkeye-X]

31. Bah you beat me to it.

I find odd stuff WAY too late. :cry:

[latebloomer]

32. Same here

Shoulda known Matcom would beat me to it!

[-..__...]

44. News of the weird

http://www.fark.com

Question is: where/how do all those people find this stuff?

[Misunderestimator]

35. LOL... I know where he can buy another one.

:D

[Kat45]

37. It wouldn't have happened if he had a detachable penis.

:shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

45. And those are, by far, the best to have.

[newsguyatl]

38. dude must've had one UGLY penis

[atommom]

39. ROTFLMAO! It does sound like a John Waters movie!

Though, gee, he must not have had much feeling left in that thing anyway, if he didn't realize he had a chokehold on it.... :shrug:

[Endangered Specie]

40. Ok, if this isn't a Darwin Award nominee...

I don't know what is.

[TroubleMan]

41. Nick-nack, patty-whack give a dog a bone. This old man went screaming home

nt.

[Elidor]

42. There is hope thanks to another MatcomWire story:

Remember when doctors in Russia grew a new penis out of a boy's arm?

[-..__...]

43. Scooby Snack

[Endangered Specie]

61. Ohh, thats wrong! lol!

[mwdem]

46. Too disturbing..

don't even post this shit!!!

[matcom]

47. i post this "shit" DAILY!

deal :eyes:

[DS1]

48. Yeah, deal, man!

[mwdem]

49. I know you do, and it's very entertaining,

But this story is so ewwwwwww!!!

[donheld]

51. plain old unadulterated

cock shit

[DS1]

59. Actually, and I don't make a point of correcting people

That's plain old unadulterated dogshit.

[DemoTex]

52. Evokes the Ballad of Lorena and John (Bobbit)

Come and listen to my story of a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with his wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.

(Penis, that is)

(Clean cut, Missed his nuts)

Well, the next thing you know, there's a ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she came around the bend.

(Curve, that is)

(Pricker shrubs, Wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weanie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed ``Over There,''
To John Wayne's Henry that was waving in the air.

(Found, that is)

(By a fence, Evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So the Dick Doc said, ``Hey, I can fix your Dong!''
``A needle and a thread is all you're gonna need.''
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed.

(Whizzed, that is)

(Even seam, Straight stream)

Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.

http://www.humorcafe.com/humor/gems/bobbit_hillbillies.htm

[UdoKier]

53. So...

He... chases a chicken, which has already been plucked while in the nude, holds it between his legs, grabs his "pecker" and DOESN'T FEEL A THING, and since it's as big as a chicken neck even when flaccid(?) cuts it off?

I don't buy it.

Sounds fake.

[GOPisEvil]

54. Somebody needs a new pair of glasses...

...and a prosthetic penis.

Can we sing "Detachable Penis" to him, now?

[UpsideDownFlag]

55. um, where the hell was the chicken supposed to be...?

oh, yeah, that's a good chicken. you're a bad, bad chicken aren't you?

[Digit]

56. But,.. but,.. but,.. the nursery rhymn says Old Mother HUBBARD goes to

the CUBBOARD to get the poor dog a bone(r).

[Endangered Specie]

57. Sometimes I wonder why nature allows the human race to survive

:shrug:

[Amigust]

63. Mother Nature will have the last laugh.

eom

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

58. Haven't read the full story yet, but my spidey sense tells me alcohol is

somehow involved.

[camero]

64. "Ruh Roh", said the dog when asked about it.

He thought it was an Oscar Meyer weiner. The guy was 67, it was dead anyway. :shrug:

[Biased Liberal Media]

65. WHOA!!!!

that is crazy!!!

Can we say, ouch??

[miss_kitty]

66. So if he could not tell he had ahold of it or it was laying on the surface

upon which he brought the chopping implement down, can you tell me honestly now, it is something he will really really miss?

[drumwolf]

67. perhaps it's the dog's revenge

Maybe earlier the old man had farted and blamed it on the dog?

;)

[matcom]

68. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh man. say it ain't so! :P

[Kookaburra]

69. And the phrase

"Alcohol was involved" wasn't in the article.

[T Bone]

70. Then He Ran Around like a Dick with its' Head Cut Off !!??!!

I assume. Or a chicken with its' dick cut off? I'm confused, what would be the proper phrase here?

[Ganja Ninja]

71. In America we call a man like him Mr. President. n/t

[Endangered Specie]

72. Now if only he mistook his OTHER head and cut it off..

though, that wouldnt be damaging any vital organs.