The mob has spoken. I'm taking girlfriend applications.

[eyesroll]

Here's the original poll:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=1666417&mesg_id=1666417

Now, it seems "take applications for a girlfriend" has tied with "screw the innuendo and just post porn" (remember, there is one vote that was entered into the wrong column, later cancelled in a post).

I think the best way to remedy the tie would be to write the latter about the former -- and I lack the former.

So, I'm looking for a girlfriend. I am married, so willingness to put up with that a must; willingness to put up with his crap preferred; willingness to invite him along a plus but not necessary.

Any suggestions?
:shrug:

ON EDIT: I should add -- my husband is a DUer (and I'm surprised he hasn't shown up on this thread yet) so there's no need for discretion or anything. I can keep a secret, though, if it's needed on your end. :D:D:D

[Screaming Lord Byron]

1. Locking.....3.....2....1....

I'd love to stick around and watch this, but I have to go out truffling with the wild boars.

[eyesroll]

8. No pigs.

I'm not too hung up on physical characteristics, but that's taking it a bit too far...

[Misunderestimator]

37. 4.....5.....6.....7

[mairceridwen]

2. nerve.com

worked for me...though I didn't have all the extra baggage

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. i agree

[tigereye]

7. probably wiser than my plan to run off and be an NoFx

groupie, Eyesroll. We all have to keep our marriages interesting in whatever way seems most intriguing.

[eyesroll]

4. Well...yeah...that might actually be productive...

The peanut gallery wanted me to put a post here, requesting a girfriend. Just providing the public what they've asked for!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

6. You've scared them off.

All mouth, no trousers, eh?

[eyesroll]

10. Damn it people!

It's not even trousers I'm looking for here!

[prolesunited]

5. Well, what are you looking for

in a girlfriend?

[eyesroll]

9. Well, like I told Byron, I draw the line at pigs.

Beyond that? Seeing as how I specifically need a girlfriend in order to post porn about it (those options tied in the poll)....

:evilgrin:

You're actually asking me to think this through, proles...:D

[prolesunited]

14. Sorry

I really thought you were serious.

But you are succeeding, nonetheless. :D

[eyesroll]

19. I'm not serious but I'm not un-serious...

:evilgrin:

How about...someone who can make me laugh for the right reasons, cry for the right reasons, scream for the right reasons...someone who's not hung up on monogamy (see initial post) but will still be my friend if we decide not to persue anything more or if for any reason we decide to cool things off later....

Nerd girls, piercings, sci-fi hobby all are plusses.

[prolesunited]

Sounds to me

like you've already or just have written your ad.

[LynzM]

11. Too far away...

Would be a heck of a commute! :evilgrin:

Try AdultFriendFinder, you can look locally...

[eyesroll]

13. Hey, Indiana to Wisconsin isn't too bad!

:evilgrin:

Is that the site with the, um, spread-eagle shots on it? Or was that alt.com?

Either way -- again -- online personals sites are not posting here, which is what people wanted...or at least they said they did...

[LynzM]

17. LOL

Yeah, not too long a drive :) There is lots of nudity on AFF, and lots of people with regular pictures. Depends on the people. Some are there looking for long-term relationships, some for short-term, some for flings, some just for sex. Pretty much whatever you're looking for, you'll probably find it, or at least people who are open to the possibility. Some of it is... odd, to me, but to each his (or her, or their) own, I guess!

Hrm... letting DU choose your girlfriend could get interesting!

[GOPisEvil]

12. I think the mob should pick your girlfriend, too.

I mean, as long as we're running your life and all...

[eyesroll]

15. I'm taking applications, dammit!

What do you think this thread's about?

But I'm not gonna poll the studio audience for the final cut -- I'm gonna let my mom and my best friend pick, like they do on TV.

(OK, no I'm not. That's just sick.)

[GOPisEvil]

18. Oh, now that would be funny.

I'm sorry, dear, that one is all wrong for you...she's so...slutty. </mom>

[prolesunited]

16. Do you know of anyone

who would be interested?

We could do an American Idol type of thing and put the contestants through their paces. It could be kind of fun.

[eyesroll]

21. I'm thinking people would have to apply in person...

I don't want anyone posting, "hey, my friend ABC would be perfect" and then ABC posting, "um, eew..."

[Phillycat]

20. I would like to log my application.

My qualifications:

1. I'm new to DU, so I have an air of mystery.
2. "Morals" is very loosely defined in my world.
3. I can do a backbend.

I would love the opportunity to assist you with breaking your marriage vows. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Looking forward to being your bitch/ho,

janesez

[eyesroll]

22. Welcome to DU and to my (still unlocked?) thread.

I see you don't have a profile active -- where ya from? What's your story?

[prolesunited]

24. What does ANY of that matter?

Did you see that she can do a backbend? :P

[eyesroll]

25. Well, it doesn't help if she can do a backbend if she's in Istanbul.

:P

[Phillycat]

30. I live in Philadelphia.

I like music, movies, and ambiguous sexuality.

I'm liberal, female, and in my 30's.

I think the upcoming election is the most important one in our lifetimes.

And my name is jane. :)

[Misunderestimator]

38. Ding ding ding... HEY eyesroll.... Here's a great candidate!

:D

[eyesroll]

39. Well, then, hello, Jane.

I'm Stacie and not very anonymous around here anyway.

I am also liberal and female, and I am somewhere between 1.05 and 11.05 years younger than you are. I live in the Milwaukee area.

I like science fiction (books, film, miscellanea) and cooking. I lean toward the "raging nerd" side of the coolness scale. I do own a surprising number of books about cross-dressing and gender-bending in literature and film (there's a copy of Garber's "Vested Interests" on my couch right now). My husband's into music more so than I am, but I'm not a "turn that down you're killing me!" type girl unless I have a throbbing headache or something.

And I agree about the election, and get into fights constantly (even at work, where you're not supposed to talk about politics) about it.

I have become a bit of a lounge perv of late, but nothing's gotten locked yet. :D

:hi:

[Phillycat]

41. I am a raging dork...does that count?

I have a boyfriend so I suppose your husband and my boyfriend will have to deal, eh?

I love books and cooking. Sci-fi is not really my thing, but I've read some that I like. I usually like contemporary fiction, like David Sedaris and David Foster Wallace. I have a weakness for chick movies and bad teen dramas on television, like the OC.

I'm not a lounge perv yet, but certainly a perv...I understand that sort of thing is frowned upon around here?

Nice to meet ya, Stacie. :)

Jane

[eyesroll]

42. My husband can have a girlfriend if he wants...

Quid pro quo and all.
:evilgrin:

Who knows, maybe they can bond -- does your boyfriend like baseball? (My husband is a Jane's Addiction fan, which I'm assuming you are by your screenname -- is your BF too?)

Raging dorks do share a quadrant with raging nerds, if you get a two-dimensional coolness graph instead of just a line. :bounce:

Sex threads will, in theory, get locked. Mine seem to fly in under the radar. Flirting rampantly seems to be OK, though. :D

Pleased to make your acquaintence.

[Phillycat]

43. My boyfriend does like baseball!

He likes the Phillies, but now that they are all but mathematically eliminated, he is also a Boston Red Sox fan and has shifted his loyalties over.

I, on the other hand, am more of a football fan, so I was very excited yesterday for the ostensible beginning of the season. It makes it feel like autumn to me! (My favorite time of year.)

I am a big Jane's Addiction fan, and so is the BF. He also likes more of what I call "whiny indie rock" stuff, like Eliott Smith and Ryan Adams. I like more soul, funk, and straight up rock and roll. Examples of my favorites: Marvin Gaye, Tower of Power, and Guns n Roses. But at this moment, I am listening to Rufus Wainwright and loving it.

Flirting is nice! Certainly does break up the work day, doesn't it? Lots of nice people around here...

[partygirl]

23. I'm into it.

Can we pretend to sneak around once in a while though? Just cause it adds to the excitement.

[eyesroll]

26. Of course!

I'm all about the subterfuge when necessary/desired...:evilgrin:

Welcome to DU, by the way...

[partygirl]

thanks!

[eyesroll]

40. So, same questions...

Where you from? What's your story?

[partygirl]

47. I'm drop dead gorgeous,

VERY pervy and the life of every party. We will have lots of fun, I promise!

On the minus side, I have a very short attention span. I get bored quite easily and I am a little slutty.

But I guarantee a good time!!! I can provide references.....do you prefer male or female?

[eyesroll]

27. OK -- one more qualification...

I forgot I should probably add a disclaimer -- you must be over 21.

Under 18 it's a given -- it's illegal, I'm nearly 29 and y'all look like infants to me (I probably look like a dinosaur to you). We'll extend the age to 21 because I don't wanna have to run into the liquor store while you wait in the car.

[sundog]

28. Shannen Dougherty's on the phone! Should I mail her an appplication...

or make up an excuse?

[eyesroll]

31. Sorry...you're gonna have to tell her I don't date Republicans

http://www.jerseygop.com/RepublicanBabes4.html

[sundog]

33. She said she's pissed about the Baskin-Robbins thing. She wants to fight!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

29. I'll have to ask Misunderestimator, maybe she'll let you post between us

That oughtta spice up your life :evilgrin:

[eyesroll]

32. Or, at least, my posts...

:D

[Misunderestimator]

34. HEY! I'm a one woman girl....

But, eyesroll, I will definitely let you know if I meet any single, attractive women you might be interested in. :)

[eyesroll]

35. Aww...

:D

Don't worry...I won't come between Misunderestimator and her NSMA (OK, it doesn't have the ring that "me and my Calvins" does, but so be it).

[Misunderestimator]

36. Well, frankly, it's only because NSMA is enough to handle

all by herself :evilgrin:

[prolesunited]

44. Somehow I'm guessing

That's an understatement

[eyesroll]

45. Anyone else?

:kick: for the evening crowd...

[liontamer]

46. from what I've seen of your posts

I don't think the mob had to work to hard to convince you ;)

Happy hunting!

[eyesroll]

48. I'm just following the will of the people!

Had they voted to hear about my last trip to Sheboygan, they would have heard about how none of the streets go all the way across the city....it's disconcerting...

[Dem_Loyalist]

49. How incredibly tempting

[charliebrown]

50. Well I am not a Girlfriend persay but.

I am more girlie then my friends. Lucy plays football and always f@cks me up. My lil sister can shout me down. So I think I am a Lesbian in a wrong body. I love Women!!!

When I go trick or treating I get a rock. My dog is smarter then me or at least more imaginative. He is the red baron on his doghouse.

So I am applying as Lesbian in a wrong body cause I really do Love women!!!

Hope you consider me. Charlie!!!

[eyesroll]

54. Sorry, Charlie...

The people who took the poll clearly stated their preference for a girlfriend. Next time, get your friends and stuff the ballot box! Besides -- I'm a brunette; I understand you prefer redheads.

Meanwhile, if you wanna send Marcie my way, we can talk...

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

51. I'm right here, you can stop looking now

I am 33, live in Dallas, big flaming liberal, gorgeous, intelligent, incredibly funny (way funnier in person than in writing), emotionally and mentally healthy, no addictions besides DU, very independent (make my own money, thankyouverymuch), and kick-ass in bed. You could possibly have a total change of religious beliefs after me.

You ready for this?


(Ok I am ROFLMAO at my own post.)

Oh I'm also a huge dork. To know me is to love me. I am, in a word, irresistable.

[eyesroll]

55. Well, you did at least hint at DUing me and a bunch of others this weekend

:evilgrin:

[Susang]

52. Well, this is interesting!

Perhaps the wrong person had their picture taken in the bathroom at Moodys, hmmm? Might have been helpful to have such a photograph of yourself on a thread like this. }(

[eyesroll]

53. Hee hee.

Hm...Somehow, I don't think a shot of me peeing will attract, um, anyone I actually want it to....

But, I'll tell you what. If, in the next "what should I post" poll, people request "my trip to the dentist," I'll be sure to take a picture of his bathroom for it...