The Top 6 Things You Could Expect To Hear Over Hell's PA System!

[jus_the_facts]

1) Jefferey Dahmer to kitchen, please

2) Satan, party of four

3) Today's weather, 600 degrees with no chance of rain. Ever

4) Hitler, your tank is incorrectly parked

5) Today's torture will be postponed...

6) Yonnie tickets on sale now


.....come on...I KNOW ya'll can come up with some more goood'uns!! :evilgrin:

[Bundbuster]

1. Tonight's movie -

barbara bush & dick cheney in "Booty And The Beast"

[donheld]

2. let me guess

Dick Cheney is Booty, and Barbara is Beast?

[Bundbuster]

3. We are pleased to announce the arrival of

mr. tom delay

[jus_the_facts]

4. Bravo.....

[allalone]

5. cheney and bush 1 and 2

report to the lower level immediately.

[Lovecrafty]

6. The Republican Section is currently down for maintanance..please stand by.

[Nostradammit]

7. Mah name is George W. Bush, and Ah approved this messitch...

.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

11. LOL .I choked laughing at that ! That's exactly how he sounds .

[DemBones DemBones]

8. Teachers, there will be a faculty meeting this afternoon.

If you'ver ever taught public school, you know. . .

[onebigbadwulf]

9. GW Bush - Please meet your party at the Bin Laden lot.

Shazam@!

[onebigbadwulf]

10. Mr. Rove please reclaim your bowels from lost and found

ha!

[JSJ]

12. make way, make way...for the new republican arrivals n/t

[wickerwoman]

13. Will the parents of George W. Bush please collect your child

from the nurse's station near the mechanical Minotaur ride.

We have a Hum-V license plate number SWARTZY- Your lights are on.

Will today's shift of 1260 virgins please report to the al Qaeda suite. And don't forget to bring your nail clippers.

[BlueJazz]

14. All Patrons will be expected to attend tonight's ........

showing of Micheal Moore's new sequel "Fahrenheit 9,110,000 Degrees"

[Endangered Specie]

15. Due to weather, the Winter Olympics have been cancelled.

[Cuban_Liberal]

16. Call for Mr. Nixon. Mr. Nixon, please pick up the red courtesy phone...

:evilgrin:

[HughBeaumont]

17. These would suck

1. We will now play Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" for the next 6000 hours.

2. Audio-Visual has finally received the Ethel Merman/Janet Reno/Shelley Winters/Alice B Tolkas scat orgy tapes and will be broadcasting them to every chamber in the house!

3. Vice Grand Cyclops Cheney has morphed into John Birch. We will be hearing from it at the Slaughtitorium today.

4. From now on, all guitar-oriented music has been outlawed.

5. Today's Special: Malathion-flavored Deer Bladder with 7-year-old plant water/dead insect shake.

6. Weather: Abyss black with a probable chance of abortion rain.

[jus_the_facts]

28. Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You' for the next 6000 hours....

....AAAAARRGGGGG!!!


...these were GRRRREAT!

[LynneSin]

55. HEY, I actually lived through that!!!

The girl who lived in the dorm room next to mine during my sophmore year played that album 24x7 for an entire semester

:cry:

To this day I abhor Whitney Houston

[allalone]

56. too cruel

even for hell

[GiovanniC]

18. "Is Mike Ock Here? Excuse Me, Has Anyone Seen Mike Ock?...

Goddamn it, not again!"

[Endangered Specie]

19. Joseph Stalin, License plate RED-1917, your lights are on.

[Aristus]

20. Will the owner of a testicle truss marked A. Coulter please

report to the Lost and Found? Repeat: Will the owner of a testicle truss marked A. Coulter please............

[lpbk2713]

21. The background music would be Montovani

With a little Wayne Newton and John Tesh thrown in for good measure.

[Beer Snob-50]

22. michael bolton music marathon for the next 6000 years

will start in 5 minutes. again, the michael bolton 6000 year music marathon will start in 5 minutes.

[LWolf]

23. "Good Morning!

<interrupts the morning routine of getting settled, students bringing questions, requests, info, etc. to teacher>

Please stand for the pledge of alliegance..

<recite pledge>

<talk interminably about school events that don't effect my students>

And now for the thought for the day:

<several minutes of a sermon based on historical figure or quote>"

This is what comes over my PA system every day; we can't accomplish anything until it is over. Is this the kind of hell you mean?

[Endangered Specie]

24. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina Speaking... Just a moment.

repeat 30,000,000 times.

[underpants]

25. For the 1,000th week in a row the #1 song is, Lee Greenewood's...

"Proud to be an American"

Well I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free........

[Beer Snob-50]

26. THAT IS HELL!!!

it is bad enugh hearing that piece of drivel on the fourth of july and during disasters.

cannot say that too loud. my secretary thinks that is the greatest song ever.

they played it at a red sox game i was at right after 9/11 and people got really pissed at me for not standing during it.

[underpants]

27. Screw that they tried to create another national anthem

There is only ONE national anthem and it ain't Lee Greenwood and it ain't God Bless America and it ain't This land is your land....either, not that they played that one now did they?

[jus_the_facts]

29. Wooo....these are ALL really hilarious!!!!

[FunBobbyMucha]

30. "Attendance at tonight's RUSH concert is mandatory!"

"Opening Act Jay-Z takes the stage at eight sharp!"

[Race4Peace]

48. you mean...the rush limbaugh concert?

http://www.bushflash.com/nazi.html
http://bootnewt.tripod.com/imanazi.htm

[DS1]

31. Attention Wal*Mart Shoppers...

:eyes:

[jus_the_facts]

34. HELL Yeah.....

[Commendatori]

32. 1.) Inspirational Bush speech to commence at main BBQ pit in five minutes

2.) All parents of children who got sent down here will have their kids ready for Professor Bush's grammar and syntax classes at 8:00 every morning...

3.) ...followed by Professor Cheney's etiquette class...

4.) ...followed by Professor Gingrich's ethics class...

5.) ...followed by "Tactics in Civil Discourse and Rational Debate" by Professor Hannity...

6.) ...while parents will attend a Ted Nugent concert with feature lead vocalist Patricia Heaton.

[Blue-Jay]

33. B - 19.......

Anyone? B - 19....

[BringEmOn]

35. Freeze alert! Freeze alert! The Mariners just won the World Series!

[jus_the_facts]

36. Bwahahahahahahahaha......or the Red SOX!!!!

[Endangered Specie]

37. Or the Cubs.

In Wrigley field. :) :)

[Endangered Specie]

38. Attention all security personell, Mr. Reagan has escpaed from the

Satan Memorial Mental Institute... again, if you find him please escort him back.

[jus_the_facts]

39. Wooooooooooo Hooooooooooo....goood one......

[Endangered Specie]

40. Well Well Well, we have some special new arrivals, DUers who posted in the

"Things not to say while watching the passion" thread : http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=818212

[Endangered Specie]

41. "Oh, and the points don't matter"

[ronnykmarshall]

42. Mr. Phelps, Mr. Fred Phelps ....

your family has arrived.

[johnnie]

43. "Tonight's concert will be at 7:00 on stage one

We will be presenting the vocal styling of Mr. John Ashcroft."

[Endangered Specie]

49. Let the eagles soaaarrr.

Soar like theyve never soaaared before.

[BringEmOn]

44. "...our keynote speaker for the Republican National Convention..."

[BringEmOn]

45. "For all you rich assholes who thought you could take it with you..."

Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:
Bwahahahahaha! :evilgrin:

[pbg]

46. The Pauly Shore film festival will start in ten minutes...

...attendance is mandatory.

[Race4Peace]

47. now here's dick cheney with a few words of wisdom

[Endangered Specie]

50. "GO Fuck Yourselves!, I mean, your in hell after all!"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

51. The Muzak system would play endless loops of

1) Havin' My Baby
2) Tommy James and the Shondells' Greatest Hits
3) The Macarena
4) that song by Lou Bega "A little bit of..."
5) The Greatest Hits of Mindless Jingoism, including "I'm a Flag-Waving American," "Let the Eagle Soar," "The Ballad of the Green Berets," "Okie from Muskogee," and any newer ones that I haven't heard but which would undoubtedly make me want to rip my ears off.
6) Contemporary Christian "praise" music, including "Our God is an Awesome God."

[mvd]

52. **Attention Reagan and Nixon**

Report to the firey gate - we have chosen you two to welcome Bush Sr., Bush Jr., and Dick Cheney when they arrive. And no complaints about the wait - after all, this is hell.

[HEyHEY]

53. Toronto has one the Stanley cup!

[Zero Gravitas]

54. George W. Bush

report to red-hot poker room 101 immediately. There is no need to bring your pants.

[DemWitch]

57. hmmmm

The Driver's Education Class at the Laura Bush School of Driving has been canceled for today due to theft of the drivers ed vehicle. Please return the '63 Impala immediatly and no questions will be asked. Thank you!

Free beauty makeovers Noon to 3 at the Katherine Harris Glamorama, 7th Level.

Pope John Paul, line 3. Pope John Paul, line 3.

Bill O'Reilly, please report to Uphill Boulder Rolling immediatly.

For your dining entertainment this evening in the Rush Limbaugh Grand Dining Salon, we proudly present Bay Buchannon, Kate O'Bierne and Phyllis Schlafly performing the soundtrack from Moulin Rouge.

Sean Hannity, please report for your shift at the Jeffrey Dahmer Buggery Room.

A friendly reminder that preaching the Gospel while on company time is against Hades regulations. This means you Mr. Falwell and Mr. Robertson.

Today's weather forecast. AM sulpher clouds with a low of 666 degrees. Noontime acid rain showers, mixed with hurtling balls of brimstone. Severe weather warning for levels 5,6 and 7. Drivetime high of 1250 degrees, clouds and acid rain clearing for blistering unfiltered sunlight. Chance of severe burns high. Overnite low of 500 degrees with clear skies.

Thought for the day. When you hear God speaking to you, more than likely it's not him.