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President Bush made an unexpected visit to the embattled Iraqi city of Najaf on Monday after mistaking the blasted landscape for the tattered and beaten Florida coast.
During a secretive pre-dawn landing at the Baghdad International Airport, aides told the White House press core traveling with the president that the commander-in-chief was heard remarking candidly about the damage he believed had been caused by hurricane Charley’s sustained 145-mile-per-hour winds.
“Not since my previous photo-op visit to the troops on Thanksgiving have I seen destruction of this scale,” the president said. “It looks like a bomb went off here, or something”
Even after one of his aides politely remarked that more than 100 bombs had actually gone off, Bush still appeared to believe he was visiting the scene of a national, … natural disaster.
“A hundred bombs you say? What, did that rascally Charley hit a bomb factory or something?”
After leaving Air force One, President Bush, donning a U.S. Coast Guard uniform, looked very out of place as he walked through the rubble that was once a respected and very holy Iraqi city. Several times during the walk he shooed away Secret Service members who were attempting to shield him from shrapnel and sporadic sniper fire.
“Damn Secret Service guys are so paranoid these days,” remarked a smirking Bush. “I done told them a hundred times this hurricane wasn’t big enough to warrant any aftershocks, so I dont see what all the fuss was about."
During an afternoon press conference with the foreign media, who had quickly assembled after news of the president’s unintentional visit to Najaf, Bush fielded rapid fire questions concerning his brazen trip into the heart of the fighting in Iraq.
“You're asking me how do I explain all of these troops if we’re really in Florida, you lefty media types? That’s easy, as part of my reundistribution of U.S. military force worldwide, I have stationed a large portion of our Marines and Army Reserves here in Florida to help rebuild the broken homes and prevent blacks from voting in the November election.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I declare major weather formations in this state over,” he said.
In what was surely a rapid fire damage control response to the president's aloof actions, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said the president was using confusion and feigned ignorajnce to fight terrorism, and that anyone who spoke out against the visit was un-American and supported al-Qaeda. McClellan was sweating profusely.
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