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For the married DU women...did you take your SO's last name?

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tcfrogs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:03 PM
Original message
Poll question: For the married DU women...did you take your SO's last name?
Or divorced DU women, too. Just curious, since I heard a story about this today.

Sorry, polls are turned off at Level 3.

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wryter2000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
1. Didn't
He's a Stephenson, and I'm a Brilmayer. No way was I writing Stephenson-Brilmayer on checks. Plus, there's lots of Stephensons but not many Brilmayers. At least in the US.
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greymattermom Donating Member (680 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
2. name game
Yes, but I got married in 1970.
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:11 PM
Response to Reply #2
10. '69 here
Welcome to DU.
:hi:
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Debi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
3. I voted other and I know that's weird but...
When we got married I did not take his LN because I have a son from my 1st marriage and didn't want him to feel like the odd man out.

But my husband later adopted my son and then I did take his LN (but changed my middle name to my maiden name).

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candy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
4. My generation almost always did but----
my daughters and daughters-in-law also took SO's last name.
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Book Lover Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:07 PM
Response to Original message
5. Kept the full name I was born with
As it is 6 names long, I didn't want to change any or add another one. Besides, I love my surname "German." It's a great conversation starter, as I am actually Italian-American.
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rbnyc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:08 PM
Response to Original message
6. I kept my name...
...and our son will have both our last names hyphenated. Our son won't have a middle name. He'll have 7 syllables already, and that's enough. Plus, I don't have a middle name, and neither does my mom, so it's kind of a family thing.
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k in IA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:08 PM
Response to Original message
7. My reasons for taking SO name- I was young, just graduated from college so
no career yet and decided to do it for the future kids. I would have hyphenated if both names weren't too damn long. I would have kept my name if I already had established my career.
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lovedems Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:10 PM
Response to Original message
8. I did.
I pondered the decision for quite some time but since I knew we would have a family, I took his last name. Now, 4 kids later, I don't have any regrets.
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rbnyc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. Our family of 3 will have 3 different last names.
Bouchard, Ferdon and Bouchard-Ferdon. It makes sense to me, but I wonder what kinds of confusion it will bring on.
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lovedems Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:21 PM
Response to Reply #13
17. It will only be confusing to the old fashion types.
I know alot of people who have done what you are doing. I think it is a decision that is personally made and there isn't a right or wrong, it is a matter of preference. You might raise some eyebrows and cause confusion in some, but they will either be ultra conservative or stupid, so it doesn't really matter! :)

(actually ultra conservative and stupid are the same thing aren't they!)
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Solly Mack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:10 PM
Response to Original message
9. 50-50 split
on some things I use his name and on others I use mine.
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Lasira Donating Member (72 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:11 PM
Response to Original message
11. we both took an entirely new last name
His name was David Smith, and he'd been hit by identity theft left and right because of his super-common name. The people at Social Security actually suggested he change it. So when we got married, we picked a family name from 7 generations back. It's ethnic and obscure, and we're constantly spelling it, but it's ours. :)
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tcfrogs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Welcome to DU
:hi:
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goclark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:17 PM
Response to Original message
14. Would never do it again
Edited on Mon Jul-19-04 05:18 PM by goclark

I took my ex husband's name. At the divorce hearing they asked me if I wanted to have my maiden name back. Not thinking of the implications, I said NO.

IMO, a big mistake.

I had to go through hell and back to get my name back.
Especially after 9 11. Even if you give your name as (Jones)Maiden-(Married Name) Hyphen , you still can not go back to your Maiden name without getting it legally changed.

I finally filed for the Name Change myself. The lawyers were telling me it would take $ 500 - $700. It ended up costing me about $200 and about 3 hrs. of paper work and a formal trip to the Court House in front of a Judge.

One explanation that I heard was that since 911 you must be extremely careful to represent yourself as two different names.

IF I ever decided to get married again, I would keep my Maiden name, which I love. For social situations I would just call myself by my married name.

I hope I explained this correctly.
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agates Donating Member (743 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:17 PM
Response to Original message
15. 24 years ago
I took SO's name . I liked it better :-)
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trof Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:18 PM
Response to Original message
16. Miz t. did, back in 1969.
Her initials didn't change, so she didn't have to have all her cashmere sweaters remonogrammed.
;-)
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fofer Donating Member (152 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
18. I tried taking his name. . .
. . .but it just didn't sound like me. I'm half Irish and look it, his last name is German and I felt like a different person when I used it, so I ended up hyphenating. But it took me so long to decide what to do "officially" that my husband was begging me to pick ANY name, even a totally new one, as long as I made a some kind of decision. It's a wonder I managed to decide to get married in the first place. :-)
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ayeshahaqqiqa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:41 PM
Response to Original message
19. I took my husband's last name
which is French. However, we both have spiritual names, and as such we sometimes just go by them.
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Kathy in Cambridge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
20. No way
I kept my name not only for professional reasons, but because the whole notion of taking a man's last name implies property/ownership. If I had children, maybe we would hyphenate.
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Cybergata Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 05:44 PM
Response to Original message
21. I love my last name....
even before I realized I was a feminist I couldn't stand the idea of getting married because I didn't want to change my last name. I was maybe 10 at the time, and it was in the early 60s. I plan to die with the name I was given at birth.

:hippie:
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Miss Marmelstein Donating Member (650 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 06:11 PM
Response to Original message
22. How come you can only vote once?
I took my first husbands last name and my second husbands last name and my third husbands last name.

I didn't take my current husbands last name 'cause I still can't spell it!
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rucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 06:23 PM
Response to Original message
23. What if you married your brother?
sorry. thought I was in freerepublic for a second.
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rene moon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 06:48 PM
Response to Original message
24. NO
I am a Latina and my hubby is not and I felt that i would lose a part of myself if I did. He was cool with it and if he wasnt, well, then we wouldnt be married. If we have kids, they will be hypenated.
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 06:51 PM
Response to Original message
25. My wife was born with a hyphenated name, then she married me
No more hyphen

Now her name is much shorter

Smart woman
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Joy Anne Donating Member (830 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 07:08 PM
Response to Original message
26. "Other"
I was first married in 1967 and took my husband's name; only movie stars didn't then. I was widowed last year and remarried this year. I have my business documents, taxes, bank accounts, deeds, etc., in my previous name, and the thought of even making a start on changing all that was exhausting. So I have my new name for church, politics, and family and my previous name for all the business and financial stuff. I briefly considered reverting to my maiden name, but I haven't had that name for so long that that would be ridiculous.
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mopinko Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-19-04 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
27. didn't do it either time
current and i have 4 kids, and we took turns, sorta. when it was his last name, i got to pick the first name, etc. we did wiggle a little on it, because i already had a kid, and had fought to change her name. but it is not really a problem. people are used to it these days.
i just had the first real problem, and i think it is osama's fault. we have a frequent flier credit card, and we are both on the account, and both have cards in our own name. but when i cashed in the miles recently, he had to go to the airport to sign over the miles. they said it was because it was a different last name. we couldn't do it when we got there for the flight either. he had to make a special trip to do it. nasty phone call didn't help. pain in the ass.
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tcfrogs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 01:10 AM
Response to Original message
28. kick for the overnight people
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politicat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 02:06 AM
Response to Original message
29. Did not take his name, did not change my title.
I was born a Miss, he was born a Mister.

When we got married, nothing changed. I'm still Miss Politicat, he's still Mr. Sikity. And I resent like hell being called Mrs. Politicat or that slurred travesty of crap, Ms. Politicat. Though Mr. Sikity does not mind much being called Mr. Politicat. He finds it amusing and subversive. Besides, we both have professional lives that require continuity in our names. Perhaps when I get my Doctorate, I'll become Dr. Politicat, but I doubt it.

We've both considered changing our names to something else, because neither of us like our fathers, but I'm keeping mine out of respect to my grandparents who are truly awesome people and it's much harder for a man to change his name.

There's a part of us that would be perfectly happy to abandon the idea of official names entirely and go with an official number, plus informal handles that are self selected.... but that's awfully SF for most people.

Pcat

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fortyfeetunder Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 02:07 AM
Response to Original message
30. married name easier to spell
and pronounce. But it gives me a very common name...oh well.
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lazarus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 03:02 AM
Response to Original message
31. Haele didn't
Well, sort of. Socially, we're Mr and Mrs _____, simply because that's how most people (read: family) tend to refer to us.

But she's a retired Navy Chief, and changing her name would have been seriously problematic.
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marzipanni Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 04:17 AM
Response to Original message
32. Got married when I was 43 3/4 and our son
was born a little less than a month later... (no, he isn't Stuart Little) We had our 'honeymoon', in Jamaica, almost 9 years before that! I had been me for so long it would have felt strange to have a different name.
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tcfrogs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 05:56 AM
Response to Original message
33. Kick for the early morning crowd
Then, I'm done
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ScreamingMeemie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 06:13 AM
Response to Original message
34. You bet. And I'd do it again.
:) He's gotten up every morning for the past 8 years for me, and our children. He adopted my daughter and loved her as his own. The least I can do is show the world that I am proud to be his wife and that we are a family unit. And, best of all...he still respects me!!! ;)
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Ophelia Donating Member (126 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 09:11 AM
Response to Original message
35. Yep
I thought about keeping my name, but when I brought it up, he was upset by that idea. I didn't mind taking his name, but the fact that the mere dialog of it was enough to upset him as much as it did, should have been one of many red flags.

My maiden name was my nicer too- my married name is irritatingly alliterative. I will be divorcing within the next year, but with children, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my name.
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arwalden Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 09:21 AM
Response to Original message
36. My Mom Did Something Strange...
For her first marriage (to my dad) she took his last name. For her second marriage, she took my stepfather's last name. When that ended, she went back to Walden (my last name) instead of keeping her most recent last name.

But, I suppose that would be better than writing "Quackenbush" every time she signed her name (and having to spell it out over and over to the folks who had never heard the name before.)


-- Allen
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scarlet_owl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 11:26 AM
Response to Original message
37. Yes I did.
And I'm damn glad, too! My parents hyphenated my and my sister's last names, so I carried around "Rivera-Pingleton" my whole life. I tell ya, it feels great having only one last name and not having to explain it to everyone.
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eyesroll Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 11:33 AM
Response to Original message
38. I did
My birth name was long and difficult to spell/pronounce. People still screw up my married name, but it's not nearly as bad.

That was the sole reason behind my name change -- is the new name better?

If I was getting married now, instead of six years ago, I might have kept my name, at least professionally -- I've become well-established in my field, etc.
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cally Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 12:16 PM
Response to Original message
39. Nope
I've had very few problems. I had a run-in with the IRS 20 years ago that I mostly enjoyed, but I've never had other problems. A few family members refer to me by his name and sometimes teachers do, but noone questions my decision now. My husband and I had planned to use a new name that was a combination of both of ours but he backed out due to pressure from his family. My sisters still address all mail to us by that name. :evilgrin: Sisters are wonderful.
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GCP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 12:21 PM
Response to Original message
40. I liked it better than my own!
It's a nice unusual name.
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Jane Austin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-20-04 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
41. Life's confusing enough without our having different
last names.
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