For the married DU women...did you take your SO's last name?

[tcfrogs]

Poll question: For the married DU women...did you take your SO's last name?

Or divorced DU women, too. Just curious, since I heard a story about this today.

Poll result (64 votes)
Took SO's last name	(36 votes, 56%)	Vote
Did not take SO's last name	(21 votes, 33%)	Vote
Hyphenated names	(3 votes, 5%)	Vote
Other	(4 votes, 6%)	Vote

[wryter2000]

1. Didn't

He's a Stephenson, and I'm a Brilmayer. No way was I writing Stephenson-Brilmayer on checks. Plus, there's lots of Stephensons but not many Brilmayers. At least in the US.

[greymattermom]

2. name game

Yes, but I got married in 1970.

[trof]

10. '69 here

Welcome to DU.

[Debi]

3. I voted other and I know that's weird but...

When we got married I did not take his LN because I have a son from my 1st marriage and didn't want him to feel like the odd man out.

But my husband later adopted my son and then I did take his LN (but changed my middle name to my maiden name).

[candy]

4. My generation almost always did but----

my daughters and daughters-in-law also took SO's last name.

[Book Lover]

5. Kept the full name I was born with

As it is 6 names long, I didn't want to change any or add another one. Besides, I love my surname "German." It's a great conversation starter, as I am actually Italian-American.

[rbnyc]

6. I kept my name...

...and our son will have both our last names hyphenated. Our son won't have a middle name. He'll have 7 syllables already, and that's enough. Plus, I don't have a middle name, and neither does my mom, so it's kind of a family thing.

[k in IA]

7. My reasons for taking SO name- I was young, just graduated from college so

no career yet and decided to do it for the future kids. I would have hyphenated if both names weren't too damn long. I would have kept my name if I already had established my career.

[lovedems]

8. I did.

I pondered the decision for quite some time but since I knew we would have a family, I took his last name. Now, 4 kids later, I don't have any regrets.

[rbnyc]

13. Our family of 3 will have 3 different last names.

Bouchard, Ferdon and Bouchard-Ferdon. It makes sense to me, but I wonder what kinds of confusion it will bring on.

[lovedems]

17. It will only be confusing to the old fashion types.

I know alot of people who have done what you are doing. I think it is a decision that is personally made and there isn't a right or wrong, it is a matter of preference. You might raise some eyebrows and cause confusion in some, but they will either be ultra conservative or stupid, so it doesn't really matter!

(actually ultra conservative and stupid are the same thing aren't they!)

[Solly Mack]

9. 50-50 split

on some things I use his name and on others I use mine.

[Lasira]

11. we both took an entirely new last name

His name was David Smith, and he'd been hit by identity theft left and right because of his super-common name. The people at Social Security actually suggested he change it. So when we got married, we picked a family name from 7 generations back. It's ethnic and obscure, and we're constantly spelling it, but it's ours.

[tcfrogs]

12. Welcome to DU

[goclark]

14. Would never do it again

I took my ex husband's name. At the divorce hearing they asked me if I wanted to have my maiden name back. Not thinking of the implications, I said NO.

IMO, a big mistake.

I had to go through hell and back to get my name back.
Especially after 9 11. Even if you give your name as (Jones)Maiden-(Married Name) Hyphen , you still can not go back to your Maiden name without getting it legally changed.

I finally filed for the Name Change myself. The lawyers were telling me it would take $ 500 - $700. It ended up costing me about $200 and about 3 hrs. of paper work and a formal trip to the Court House in front of a Judge.

One explanation that I heard was that since 911 you must be extremely careful to represent yourself as two different names.

IF I ever decided to get married again, I would keep my Maiden name, which I love. For social situations I would just call myself by my married name.

I hope I explained this correctly.

[agates]

15. 24 years ago

I took SO's name . I liked it better

[trof]

16. Miz t. did, back in 1969.

Her initials didn't change, so she didn't have to have all her cashmere sweaters remonogrammed.

[fofer]

18. I tried taking his name. . .

. . .but it just didn't sound like me. I'm half Irish and look it, his last name is German and I felt like a different person when I used it, so I ended up hyphenating. But it took me so long to decide what to do "officially" that my husband was begging me to pick ANY name, even a totally new one, as long as I made a some kind of decision. It's a wonder I managed to decide to get married in the first place.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

19. I took my husband's last name

which is French. However, we both have spiritual names, and as such we sometimes just go by them.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

20. No way

I kept my name not only for professional reasons, but because the whole notion of taking a man's last name implies property/ownership. If I had children, maybe we would hyphenate.

[Cybergata]

21. I love my last name....

even before I realized I was a feminist I couldn't stand the idea of getting married because I didn't want to change my last name. I was maybe 10 at the time, and it was in the early 60s. I plan to die with the name I was given at birth.

[Miss Marmelstein]

22. How come you can only vote once?

I took my first husbands last name and my second husbands last name and my third husbands last name.

I didn't take my current husbands last name 'cause I still can't spell it!

[rucky]

23. What if you married your brother?

sorry. thought I was in freerepublic for a second.

[rene moon]

24. NO

I am a Latina and my hubby is not and I felt that i would lose a part of myself if I did. He was cool with it and if he wasnt, well, then we wouldnt be married. If we have kids, they will be hypenated.

[MrScorpio]

25. My wife was born with a hyphenated name, then she married me

No more hyphen

Now her name is much shorter

Smart woman

[Joy Anne]

26. "Other"

I was first married in 1967 and took my husband's name; only movie stars didn't then. I was widowed last year and remarried this year. I have my business documents, taxes, bank accounts, deeds, etc., in my previous name, and the thought of even making a start on changing all that was exhausting. So I have my new name for church, politics, and family and my previous name for all the business and financial stuff. I briefly considered reverting to my maiden name, but I haven't had that name for so long that that would be ridiculous.

[mopinko]

27. didn't do it either time

current and i have 4 kids, and we took turns, sorta. when it was his last name, i got to pick the first name, etc. we did wiggle a little on it, because i already had a kid, and had fought to change her name. but it is not really a problem. people are used to it these days.
i just had the first real problem, and i think it is osama's fault. we have a frequent flier credit card, and we are both on the account, and both have cards in our own name. but when i cashed in the miles recently, he had to go to the airport to sign over the miles. they said it was because it was a different last name. we couldn't do it when we got there for the flight either. he had to make a special trip to do it. nasty phone call didn't help. pain in the ass.

[tcfrogs]

28. kick for the overnight people

[politicat]

29. Did not take his name, did not change my title.

I was born a Miss, he was born a Mister.

When we got married, nothing changed. I'm still Miss Politicat, he's still Mr. Sikity. And I resent like hell being called Mrs. Politicat or that slurred travesty of crap, Ms. Politicat. Though Mr. Sikity does not mind much being called Mr. Politicat. He finds it amusing and subversive. Besides, we both have professional lives that require continuity in our names. Perhaps when I get my Doctorate, I'll become Dr. Politicat, but I doubt it.

We've both considered changing our names to something else, because neither of us like our fathers, but I'm keeping mine out of respect to my grandparents who are truly awesome people and it's much harder for a man to change his name.

There's a part of us that would be perfectly happy to abandon the idea of official names entirely and go with an official number, plus informal handles that are self selected.... but that's awfully SF for most people.

Pcat

[fortyfeetunder]

30. married name easier to spell

and pronounce. But it gives me a very common name...oh well.

[lazarus]

31. Haele didn't

Well, sort of. Socially, we're Mr and Mrs _____, simply because that's how most people (read: family) tend to refer to us.

But she's a retired Navy Chief, and changing her name would have been seriously problematic.

[marzipanni]

32. Got married when I was 43 3/4 and our son

was born a little less than a month later... (no, he isn't Stuart Little) We had our 'honeymoon', in Jamaica, almost 9 years before that! I had been me for so long it would have felt strange to have a different name.

[tcfrogs]

33. Kick for the early morning crowd

Then, I'm done

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. You bet. And I'd do it again.

He's gotten up every morning for the past 8 years for me, and our children. He adopted my daughter and loved her as his own. The least I can do is show the world that I am proud to be his wife and that we are a family unit. And, best of all...he still respects me!!!

[Ophelia]

35. Yep

I thought about keeping my name, but when I brought it up, he was upset by that idea. I didn't mind taking his name, but the fact that the mere dialog of it was enough to upset him as much as it did, should have been one of many red flags.

My maiden name was my nicer too- my married name is irritatingly alliterative. I will be divorcing within the next year, but with children, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my name.

[arwalden]

36. My Mom Did Something Strange...

For her first marriage (to my dad) she took his last name. For her second marriage, she took my stepfather's last name. When that ended, she went back to Walden (my last name) instead of keeping her most recent last name.

But, I suppose that would be better than writing "Quackenbush" every time she signed her name (and having to spell it out over and over to the folks who had never heard the name before.)


-- Allen

[scarlet_owl]

37. Yes I did.

And I'm damn glad, too! My parents hyphenated my and my sister's last names, so I carried around "Rivera-Pingleton" my whole life. I tell ya, it feels great having only one last name and not having to explain it to everyone.

[eyesroll]

38. I did

My birth name was long and difficult to spell/pronounce. People still screw up my married name, but it's not nearly as bad.

That was the sole reason behind my name change -- is the new name better?

If I was getting married now, instead of six years ago, I might have kept my name, at least professionally -- I've become well-established in my field, etc.

[cally]

39. Nope

I've had very few problems. I had a run-in with the IRS 20 years ago that I mostly enjoyed, but I've never had other problems. A few family members refer to me by his name and sometimes teachers do, but noone questions my decision now. My husband and I had planned to use a new name that was a combination of both of ours but he backed out due to pressure from his family. My sisters still address all mail to us by that name. Sisters are wonderful.

[GCP]

40. I liked it better than my own!

It's a nice unusual name.

[Jane Austin]

41. Life's confusing enough without our having different

last names.