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New York broke all records last night with its signing of a 6 foot tall, 12 year old, grade school student from Los Angeles to a $75 million dollar multi-decade contract. Said their general manager, "We know his growth pattern is there. And with some work on his perimeter shooting, we are sure that he will be there for us for years to come." He also promised that with the latest medical advances and proper prescription and steroid therapy, his growth and prowess was guaranteed.
In response, Detroit drafted a pair of three year old twins for only $54,000,000. "You got to see how they handle the bottles - their coordination will make them superstars!" said the Piston's coach. "This was the right choice for this franchise for the foreseeable future. Dey da men."
Not to be outdone, Chicago joined in the race by offering two extremely tall former pro athletes $23 million to produce, then assign all rights to the Bulls to their first male born child. The unnamed athletes were considering the terms with their agent. Despite the fact that they were currently married to other partners, the Bulls offer was eye-opening. "It might be worth a one night stand at that!" said the former WBA star.
Taking a cue from the extremely lax steroid and drug testing policies of the NBA, the trainers for all three teams prety much guaranteed their results. "Just watch, and wait. They were worth every penny."
Warning. No drug companies were libelled or slandered in the making of this breaking news alert. No NBA trainers were actually caught providing drugs or steroids to their team. No NBA payments were made to day to any unwed mothers of NBA stars in exchange for a no-paternity suit waiver.
All but the last are true.
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