I need advice. How do you handle overt hate?

[montieg]

Yesterday I took my Mom (81 yrs old) to a large hospital in central Texas--in her car, which has a "Texas Democrat" bumper sticker. As I was pushing her in her wheelchair back to the car preparing to leave--after a LONG and tiring day for both of us, a pickup pulled in the lot with 4 or 5 nasty bumper stickers, one of which said "Democrats: Endorsed by Al-queda, Al-jahezeera, and Al-Gore". It infuriated us both. I waited behind the truck, to say something to the guy. But he sat there for a good 5 minutes. The more I thought, I decided: my mother is here, he's 75 at least, I'm already angry because of the day at the hospital, nothing will be gained--he is unreachable, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, though "Go fuck yourself" came to mind--but not in front of my Mom. I went on to the car without confronting him.

What do we say to these rectal orifices? I don't want to let them off the hook, but will ANYTHING reach them?

[Dogmudgeon]

1. DON'T

Some of them are violent. VERY violent. Even at 75.

It may also have been a borrowed car.

Hatred is its own punishment.

--p!

[SteppingRazor]

2. I'd have kept driving, and not given it a second thought...

Talking to someone like that is like talking to your dog. Unless you're the Son of Sam, it makes no sense. And even then, you only do it because you're insane.

You are their enemy. Period.

Mind you, I'm not talking about the typical Republican here, who I believe can be turned from the dark side. But a guy like the one you describe? What was it Hunter Thompson called George H.W. Bush? Ah yes -- a "raging human sacrifice."

[havocmom]

10. 'like talking to your dog'? Man, you must have one slow pooch.

Most dogs I encounter are pretty damned reasonable and rational. Not traits shared by most die hare winger extremists.

Other that that, I agree. Might as well talk to a wall or the wind.

[SteppingRazor]

12. My dog's what now?

I should remove your post as a personal attack on my wonderful, brilliant best friend! ;)

Seriously, though, I guess I meant it's like talking to your dog and expecting him to answer you. That make more sense?

[havocmom]

16. From you post :-)

"Talking to someone like that is like talking to your dog"

Most dogs are WAY more attentive, reasonable and, face it, just plain fun that dolts like the OP was talking about ;)

Though maybe you had some unfortunate 'special' dog that you would compare talking to them to talking to a freeper.

My dog usually answers me. So does his sidekick, the cat. They just don't do it the same way my human pals do. Does that make me bilingual?

[ChairmanAgnostic]

3. Shoot it. Stomp on it. Boil it in oil. Tar, feather it, then calmly

realize that while ignorance can be cured, violence cannot.
That PU driver does not have a clue of the real world, and probably it is societal, not genetic.

[prescole]

4. Turn the other cheek. Meaning, moon him, twice. nt

[Hobarticus]

5. Bumper stickers are appropriately located on the rear end...

Tell you where this guy's brains and courage are.

Look, it's ain't worth the time. Someone that hateful and stupid isn't worth scraping off your shoe. You'll play right into their hands.

[ClusterFreak]

6. I think you did the right thing yesterday.

Despite the obnoxious garbage he subscribes to via his bumperstickers....you don't want to become one of those ugly rethug types yourself. That's to say...the type who might confront an unsuspecting person in a public parking lot, all because you disagree with their political views....as vile and misguided as they may be.

Now...had the guy said anything to you first....that's a different story....but you still might want to shield mom from your spat first....say drop her off at home, then come back....and verbally castrate the brain-dead bastard!!!:smoke:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

7. If he is advertising his views

he has his response all planned out. He WANTS to get you riled up. Don't give him the pleasure.

[The Stranger]

8. Hatred should be confronted, not ignored, condoned or justified.

If we have learned anything, it is this.

[bigscott]

15. confronting hatred

may not be an option here when the OP was with an elderly parent and who KNOWS what the PU driver was like - I tend to avoid provoking these people - the fact that they even have these bumper stickers on their trucks (and why is it always trucks??:rofl: ) gives you an idea of their mental state - unstable to say the least -

[The Stranger]

19. Confrontation does not have to include or lead to violence.

But it must be done. They must know that it is not okay to hate. Unconfronted hate becomes emboldened and leads -- and has already led -- to violence.

[HereSince1628]

9. My suggestion is go to a university library and read the old Ramparts

magazines. You'll find very detailed examples of how to express your rage.

Once you've read several that should scare you into the realization that you don't want to go in _that_ direction.

My real advice is laugh at them. Laugh often, laugh loud, laugh in their faces. It's good for your health, it's good for your appearance, and it confuses the hell out of them.

[nashville_brook]

11. i know it's not satisfying, but look beyond the stickers

usually when i see someone with a bumper crop of offensive stickers like that, i try to imagine where their political consciousness comes from. i take note of the make of car. whether or not it's well maintained. are the occupants young or old. try and grok where the HEAT comes from.

you were at the hospital -- the people in that car were at the hospital too. that's usually a bad thing. someone is sick, hurt or getting a belly band.

if the occupants were older, at the hospital, driving a conversion van or economy model of an american sedan -- then i would imagine their poltical consciousness comes from their faith. maybe they watch the 700 Club or have strong ties in a local pentacost or charismatic church. the initial heat fueling their political consciousness comes from fear of death. they might be dealing with serious chronic illness and searching for a reason or a light. the political stuff is a way to get extra credit in that sort of culture.

what i'm getting at here, is if you want to impact people like that you have address the base fear -- fear of death. good luck with that. if you really committed to the project, you'd have to see way too much of these people over the next few years.

now take another look at the car -- is that something you REALLY want to do.

i don't mean this to be snark. there's a story in Chung Tzu which i alway slaughter -- 2 clerics are walking down the road. coming the other way is a "professional woman" (you know, a hooker). she's dressed in the usual manner to ply her trade. as they pass one cleric says to the other, "how awful that woman degrades her her so, as if she's no better than the mud she walks on."

the other cleric says, "yes, but you are still stuck in the mud and she's on about her day."

anyone who knows remembers this story better, please correct. the point is not to carry others' problems with you along the road.

[Bluerthanblue]

23. Well said, Pity the fool- and be thankful that

you aren't stuck where he is- which is in hatred, fear and ignorance.
Peace, and respect take alot more effort than arrogance, anger and knee-jerk responses. YOU 'controlled' the situation in reality- were you to respond to him "in kind"- you would have allowed him to draw you into his web- While ignorance, bigotry and hatred DO need to be addressed, and not ignored- there are times when you can't do that without becoming what you most dislike- And recognizing that your response would have come not simply from his Bumpers, but from you own understandable fatigue, weariness, and frustration speaks volumes about how your answer to his 'flame-baiting' stickers represents the better path.-

Kudos- it's not easy to be patient, and tolerant- but it IS correct.

[TexasRob]

13. Just bite your tongue.

After all, a hospital parking lot isn't really the place to confront people. You aren't about to change his mind and all you would accomplish is getting yourself frustrated and angry. He has the same right we do to put bumper stickers on his car, offensive as they may be. And somewhat less offensive than many of the non-political stickers I have seen on cars lately. And, as someone else pointed out, it may not have been his car, or he could have been a victim of a right wing "friends" practical joke. The annual UT A&M football game is coming up and my wife and I love to decorate the cars of all of our "Aggie" friends but that is a little different and much less hateful.

[garybeck]

14. be silent, channel your energy

when you see something like that, tell yourself you are going to do one extra thing, spend an extra hour, or donate a few extra bucks, to do something to fight against the administration.

sometimes when i'm feeling compassionate, I find a way to feel sorry for those folks who have no capacity to search for or find the truth.

[rman]

17. Don't play their game;

don't let them get on your nerves - or at least, don't let them know they do. Pick your battles carefully rather then have them provoke you into a fight. Be careful not to be "dragged down to their level and be beaten on experience" (dunno who said that).

Given the circumstances, i'd say you handled it perfectly.

[tvfipp]

18. Well placed Bumper Stickers???

I am constantly amused at the number of cars with "Save our Troops"
and W/04 stickers over their gas caps!
I wonder to myself,are they being sarcastic or just as dumb as Bubba Dubbya!
For all those hateful bumper stickers, ignore them - they are broadcasting their ignorance and the demise of Democracy!
Chin up my friend, 08 is not far off and.....Imeachment perhaps sooner.

[Arugula Latte]

20. Welcome to DU, tvfipp!

:hi: :toast:

[montieg]

25. Welcome tvfipp.

Thanks for the thoughts and I'm honored to be your first response post.

[Jed Dilligan]

21. Save up that anger for the shooting war.

We will have plenty of opportunities to fight these assholes in the next 10-40 years.

[tanyev]

22. I've started sending them a silent wish for shakabuku.

Shakabuku. It's a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.
--Minnie Driver as Debi, in Grosse Pointe Blank.

[montieg]

24. Thanks to everyone for the validation.

My gut kept telling me to kick this guy in what's left of his cojones, but maybe my head winning out was the right thing. In reply to nashville brooke, it was one of those big, 4-by-4, built-for-the-rough Z-71's with all the ground effects and chrome that has never been off the pavement. Thinking back, I unconciously let that factor in my choice. I knew he was the type that wanted to run over shit but never did.

And I LOVE the shakabuku concept. I truly did laugh out loud!

Thanks again DU'ers. You made my day!