STUDY LINKS RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVISM TO EVOLUTION

[Pharlo]

A recent study conducted by the BCU Policy Institute of Social Sciences has established a direct correlation between the prevailing American conservative political movement and the two primary groups which have historically been credited with early American colonization. Professor Scott Wengall describes his research as the socio-culteral blend of grade school history and basic genetics. “As all grade school students learn very early in their study of American history, the US was colonized first by settlers seeking relief from religious persecution in Europe. The second major group of early immigrants to America consisted of European criminals exported as part of their punishment. Over the years, the interbreeding of the primary personality traits of each group combined with the other. If you look at today’s Republican leadership, you see the worst of these combined traits: the single-minded addiction to a fundamental faith – in this particular situation, Christianity – and the sociopathic tendencies of a pathological liar with no moral compass and an insatiable need for greater wealth.”

“In fact, if you look at today’s conservative leadership, you find that the individuals who claim the strongest ties to their god, are also the most likely to be found to be exhibiting patterns of illegal behavior ranging from illegal business transaction and sexual pecadillos to the treasonous revealment of a government employee’s identity. In all instances, these individual's actions exhibit prominent traits of both groups examined– the uber religious (in some instances they even claim persecution based upon religion – which is somewhat ludicrous considering they belong to the nation’s major religion.) and the criminal.”

The study concludes that the primary reason for the modern conservative position is based solidly in the genetic evolution of these two types of personalities with minor social influences. “The fact that their chosen religion is Christianity is based upon the fact that Christianity is the primary religion found in America. Therefore, it can be logically concluded that the greater probabilty of these two genome types manifesting themselves in the Christian religion in America is greater. Had their society’s major religion been Muslim or Jewish, then the prevailing religious/criminal genome mix would have been associated with that religion.”

Professor Wengall’s research was conducted over a six year span and incorporated religious and political trends throughout American history. When asked why he chose to conduct this study, Dr Wengall stated the greater availablity of federal funding for studies with a religious overtone than those being conducted on a strictly secular basis.


Edit: Correct spelling errors and WARNING: SATIRE

[HawkerHurricane]

1. Why...

did America get the Christian Fundamentalists with thier criminals, while Australia got only criminals?








Because Australia won the toss!

[atommom]

2. I love it! (But then, I'm only a scientist, not a sociopath.)

;)

[Walt Starr]

3. Gotta link? n/t

[Pharlo]

6. No, I haven't.

And, I thank you for the compliment. Wrote it myself...I did edit the original post and added a 'Satire' warning.

I will, however, give credit to crunchy frog - the entire concept hit me while reading the following post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x161236

I'm sorry if I inconvenienced you, but to me the entire thing screams satire.....

[mzteris]

4. ummmmmmm........

how does he account for we dem/liberals?

[ClintonTyree]

7. I guess we'd have to be the successful mutations..........

that mutated with desirable characteristics and passed them on to our progeny. The Slugs are in a state of arrested development and won't continue to evolve until they breed with the successful mutations. That will happen, as least as far as I'm concerned, when the genus "sus" mutates, grow wings and begins to fly. ;)

[whalerider55]

5. Ahh, Grasshopper...

I myself disagreed with Wengall's first major study, which linked alcholiic abuse to the prevalence of the letter S in a persons name; uit also revealed a greater likelihood for cocaine use among the population whose names contain the letters B, U, S, and H. Not only is Wengall a less than average speller, I happen to know that on his father's side, he come from a long line of labor activists. His mother's side, as is well known in the research community, helped found The Onion.

I personally like Wengall, but I find him a tad political and very subjective. Alsao, I thought that his summary sentence, "Look at the face of every conservative republican and you will see a spider monkeys ass staring back at you" was simply to general and very subjective.

It's great bathroom reading, though.

whalerider :+

[Pharlo]

8. As familiar as you appear to be with Wengall,

I'm sure you're familiar with his appreciation of Twain.

In fact, I've read several works of Wengall's where he reiterates Twain's qoute: "I don't give a damn for a man who can only spell a word one way."

Based upon that criteria alone, I believe Wengall could rest assured that Mr. Twain would like him.



By the way, whalerider, it's always nice to meet another Wengall afficionado. Not too many people are familiar with his work (much less his background) at all.