Yes, Virginia...there is an Osama bin Laden.

[Career Prole]

A parody of a famous New York Sun LTTE inspired by one of today's headlines..."Bin Laden can still be found, Rice says"

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of Rush:

"Dear Rush--I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Osama bin Laden.
"Papa says, 'If you hear it on Rush Limbaugh, it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth, is there an Osama bin Laden?
Virginia O'Hanlon
115 West Ninety-fifth Street

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the scepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be Republican's or whining liberals's are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is an Osama bin Laden. He exists as certainly as hate and apathy and avarice exist, and you know that they abound and give to you the President you deserve. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Osama bin Laden! It would be as dreary as if there were no Saddam. There would be no child-like fear then, no internecine battling, no terror alerts to make tolerable this administration. We should have no wars, except in think tanks and video games. The eternal light with which neo-conservatism fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Osama bin Laden! You might as well not believe in private accounts! You might get your president to draft enough soldiers to watch in all the caves in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and all those other 'stans to catch Osama bin Laden, but even if you did not see Osama plotting nefarious deeds, what would that prove? Nobody sees Osama bin Laden, but that is no sign that there is no Osama bin Laden. The most real things in the world are those that neither conservatives nor scurrilous liberals can see. Did you ever see Zarqawi dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that he is not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the terrorists there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only our visionary President, his mentor Dick, Karl, Condi, and making the Patriot Act permanent, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the towering mushroom cloud and destruction beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Osama bin Laden! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make free men vote for their own imprisonment.


(Yes Virginia. There was an original!)

[Career Prole]

1. A kick...