"The Book of Bill"

[placton]

For many years, in (failed) humorous attempts to justify my mis-behavior to my long suffering spouse, I've made up quotes from "The Book of Bill." It's my fictitious source of biblical sounding quotations from, of course, the Bible.

I am afraid, though, that our right wing fundy friends believe there IS such a book. You know, with quotes from Jesus, like "Smite anyone who disagrees with Bush, mine anointed one," or "Become involved in GOP politics, as they are my voice on earth."

It occurs to me it might be fun to list other pseudo sayings which righties apparently believe are either in the Bible, or should be there.

Any additions to "The Book of Bill"?

[NMDemDist2]

1. behold lend thine ear only to Fox News

any others are the tongue of the serpent.

[lancdem]

2. "The meek shall never inherit the earth

because they're a bunch of whiny liberals."

[CaptainClark23]

3. Book of Armaments

Oddly enough, I just posted this passage in response to another post, and it was still on clipboard. I think it'll fit in the Book of Bill.

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:



Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."