Newly discovered "Eden Fish" proves creationism is right (again!)

[Skinner]

The Journal of Scientific Creationism and/or Intelligent Design
April 10, 2006 Issue, Page 7

GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA -- Last week, the prestigious science journal Nature announced the discovery of an incredible creature that adds to the already massive body of evidence proving the Biblical account of creation. The petrified remains of the creature, a fish-like animal with appendages halfway between fins and limbs, were found buried in Canada. The discovery has been hailed by creationists.

"Unfortunately, too often science is used by fraudsters and charlatans to spread anti-Christian lies, and the journal Nature is no exception," said Daniel Graham, a professor of creation science at Bob Jones University. "But the fact that this extremely respected scientific journal would publish this amazing discovery is proof that creationism is real, and it enjoys strong support in the scientific community. I feel vindicated."

While its scientific name is Tiktaalik roseae, many prominent scientists¹ are calling it the "Eden fish" because they are able to imagine all sorts of different ways that the creature might have been a perfect inhabitant for the Biblical Garden of Eden.

"We know that the first place on earth was the Garden of Eden, because it says so in the Bible," said Byron Norris, a professor of creation science with an honorary Ph.D. from Liberty University. "Now, imagine if the Garden of Eden was kinda swampy, with lots of very shallow water. If you imagine such a Garden of Eden, then this Eden fish would be perfect for it. And since we know for a fact that this animal existed, we know that the Garden of Eden must have been swampy. And swampy is the perfect habitat for this fish. So this humble little creature proves once again the existence of the Biblical Garden of Eden."

"There were also probably forests and deserts and mountains and all that other stuff in the Garden of Eden, too. Because all the different animals needed places to live. Sometimes, I like to think of the Garden of Eden as being kind of like a garden, but the size of the whole earth. Which is probably also true, since this Eden fish was found in Canada, which isn't anywhere near the Holy Land." He added, "I wonder where they will find the unicorn bones."

Scientific testing revealed that the creature almost certainly lived more than six-thousand years ago. According to the Bible, the earth was created more than six thousand years ago. The fact that both the Eden fish and the Garden of Eden existed at the exact same time of "more than six thousand years ago" is another important piece of evidence that helps prove the Biblical account.

But if this creature was so perfectly adapted to life in God's creation, why are they not known to exist today? According to Dr. Norris, the Eden fish must have perished in the Great Flood. "Clearly, these animals were not well adapted to life in a deep-water environment. When the entire earth was inundated with water, the only land animals that survived were those that made it onto Noah's Ark. Noah did a great job of gathering up all the beasts of the land, but I don't think he would make a special trip all the way to Canada for one measly fish with legs. So they all drowned in the flood, just like the unicorns. Either that or humans killed them all, which is our right."

A significant public relations coup

Many creationists noted with satisfaction that the Eden fish -- with its fish-like tail and four legs -- looks very similar to the "Darwin Fish" which is often seen affixed to the automobiles of non-believers:


This similarity is not a coincidence. Many creation scientists see it as proof of the greatness of the Almighty. "The striking similarity of appearance between the two fishes is evidence of God's ability to predict the future," said one creationist who requested anonymity so his academic record could not be closely scrutinized. "The joke's on you, evolutionists! God anticipated this discovery because he can predict the future, and also because he was there in the past too. So he made you all drive around for years with these little fish-with-feet on your cars. But now we know that these fish-with-feet are actually proof that your evolutionism is wrong. So God set you up. You thought you were spreading your lies but now you are helping spread the Truth -- just like that fish with the word 'Truth' on the side that eats the Darwin fish. And make sure you capitalize the word 'Truth' so your readers know which Truth you are talking about."

Kids love "Edie"

Christian children and the Christian entertainment industry have enthusiastically embraced the cute little Eden fish, who has been nicknamed Edie^TM. SonLight Ministries has already created a six-week Sunday school course based on the Edie character, aimed at children aged 5 through 9, which includes exciting activities like coloring a picture of Edie frolicking in the Garden of Eden with a unicorn and a group of dinosaurs. The Lost World Museum is considering a permanent installation about the fish, which will complement their recently acquired one-eyed cat. And Edie is scheduled to appear in an upcoming special-edition Veggie Tales DVD.

__________

¹Please note that "many" does not necessarily mean "most"; "prominent" does not necessarily mean prominent in the scientific world; and "scientists" does not necessarily refer to individuals with degrees in science.

[Der Blaue Engel]

1. Is this entire article an exercise in opposite speak?

My brain is exploding.

[heirs_of_liberty]

14. Mutants Unite!

WHile it is not uncommon nowadays to see the unfortunate side effects, commonly attributed to drug abuse, of human infants born with flippers instead of arms and legs, it is both interesting and instructive to see evidence of an ancient fish bearing the opposite afflictions.

Perhaps after God endowed this fish's parents with some sort of drugs to abuse, the advent of these arms and legs gave it and it's descendants the vastly improved opportunity and capability to both kick, swat and punch at and gouge out the eyes of non believers, clear evidence thus of what could only be construed as an extremely intelligent Divine plan to improve our planet...

[darkmaestro019]

49. "after God endowed this fish's parents with some sort of drugs to abuse"

I am about to pee myself laughing. Seriously. I just see two catfish things squirming whiskers out of the way, snorting lines and giggling and it kills me



thanks. I needed that.

[cain_7777]

38. All the evidence in the universe...

will not bring the christian fundamentalist into reality from their delusion. For them, ignorance is bliss, but I only wish that it didn't spill over into politics.

[rodeodance]

54. he is grad of Liberty Un. and teaches at Bob Jones. Yah gotta wonder

what they instill in the minds of the students. but looking at this, i guess we know.

[understandinglife]

2. Has Drudge cited the story, yet?

Clever

[TechBear_Seattle]

3. Ah have SEEN the light, halleluya!

[progressivejazz]

4. Nice spoof. (n/t)

.

[Der Blaue Engel]

11. I neglected to read the tiny gray print in the sig line

I sure hope it applies to this. I'll try to stuff my exploded brain matter back in now.

[Jane Austin]

5. This is from The Onion, right?

Otherwise, my head is exploding, too.

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. I am speechless

These people just get more and more stupid.

In other words, since Eden was a swamp (and a desert and forest and mountainous too) and fish live in swamps, this find proves creationism??

[ET Awful]

9. I think this was Skinner's satirical response to the creatinist museum

that said that the one eyed mutant kitten was proof of creation because hey, if evolution were true, all critters would have begun with one eye and then evolved a second one . . . yes, these people actually said that on their website.

[geniph]

53. That would imply that flies and spiders are more evolved

by far than humans are, since they have far more eyes.

Ah, creationists. Hard to satirize people wading so far into the Idiot Pool.

[Goblinmonger]

7. Here's the key phrase

hidden in the middle of the "article."

many prominent scientists1 are calling it the "Eden fish" because they are able to imagine all sorts of different ways that the creature might have been a perfect inhabitant for the Biblical Garden of Eden.

Imagine away, you delusional bastards.

Did you notice their first go-to "expert" is this winner

Byron Norris a professor of creation science with an honorary PhD from Liberty University

oooooohhhhh, an "honorary PhD." In what, bullshitology?

[reichstag911]

12. Honorary Ph.D. from Jerry Falwell's Liberty

"University?" hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

[Atman]

8. Just more "proof" that these people are bat-shit crazy

Isn't that the ultimate beauty of fundamentalism, and literal interpretations of the bible? That no matter what the other side comes up discovers, you can always point to a great floating ghost who was smarter!

You gotta be flat-out nuts to believe that God "predicted the future." He's GOD! He doesn't "predict" anything, he is responsible for it all, remember fundie-dudes? Are you paying attention? So God is now reduced to a Vegas lounge act, predicting future events despite the fact that he is supposedely responsible for them all in the first place?

Cookoo for Cocoa Puffs!

[TygrBright]

10. hee-hee... Yer an evil man and I love ya, Skinner....

...in an entirely Platonic, non-Biblical way, of course.

happily,
Bright

[MuseRider]

13. Good lord!

I just swallowed my gum!

Good one Skinner, you got me.

[keithjx]

15. Best line...

"...said one creationist who requested anonymity so his academic record could not be closely scrutinized."

Thanks, Skinner!


KJ

[Arkansas Granny]

16. I have heard of circular logic before, but this is the first time I've

seen it in print. This is priceless.

[LouisianaLiberal]

17. My jaw dropped slowly until I realized what was going on.

Brilliantly done.

[tularetom]

18. Their "expert" is a professor of "creation science"?

What an oxyfuckinmoran. The fact that the fish is more than 6000 years old and the garden of eden existed more than 6,000 years ago is "proof" of the biblical account. I didn't believe this bullshit when they told me about it 55 years ago in sunday school and alleged adults believe it now?!!???

We're in deep shit folks.

[Goblinmonger]

20. If you read above

he is a PhD (honorary) from Falwell's university--speaking of morans.

[Imperialism Inc.]

19. LOL. The footnote is the best part.

Please note that "many" does not necessarily mean "most"; "prominent" does not necessarily mean prominent in the scientific world; and "scientists" does not necessarily refer to individuals with degrees in science.

Reminds me of someone's response to one of the threads on this find who said, "Some scientists say they were placed there by God to test us, others say the devil did it."

Gotta hand it to them though. No matter what the evidence is, it always seems to be compatible with creationism. Hmmm

[ismnotwasm]

21. My favorite is STILL the Bombadier beetle

http://rdlindsey.com/flashfacts/BomBeet.htm
Exerpt:
Could such a marvelous and complex mechanism have evolved piecemeal over millions of years? The evolutionist is forced to respond with a somewhat sheepish "yes," but a brief consideration of this opinion will reveal its preposterous nature. According to evolutionary "thinking" there must have been thousands of generations of beetles improperly mixing these hazardous chemicals in fatal evolutionary experiments, blowing themselves to pieces. Eventually. we are assured, they arrived at the magic formula, but what about the development of the inhibitor? There is no need to evolve an inhibitor unless you already have the two chemicals you are trying to inhibit. On the other hand. if you already have the two chemicals without the inhibitor, it is already too late, for you have just blown yourself up.
And the step by step refutation:

http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/bombardier.html
Excerpt:
Much creationist literature gives an inaccurate account of the process. Based on an admittedly sloppy translation of a 1961 article by Schildknecht and Holoubek, Duane Gish claimed that hydrogen peroxide and hydroquinones would explode spontaneously if mixed without a chemical inhibitor, and that the beetle starts with a mix of all three and adds an anti-inhibitor when he wants the explosion. In fact, the two do not explode when mixed, as others have demonstrated. (Schildknecht did propose a physical inhibitor which kept the mixture from degrading in undisected beetles; in fact, the degradation he saw was probably simply a result of exposure to the air.) Gish still used the mistaken scenario after being corrected by Kofahl in 1978. The same mistake is also repeated in books by Hitching in 1981, Huse in 1983 and 1993, and twice in a creationist magazine in 1990 .

In a creationist children's book, Rue does a better job describing the chemistry but gets the physical mechanism wrong instead, saying the liquid shoots through the firing chamber and doesn't explode until outside the beetle. "If it exploded inside, it would blow any Bombardier Beetle to smithereens." In fact, it is because the explosion occurs inside the firing chamber that its force can be directed against a threat.

One must wonder how much weight an argument of design carries if the people making it don't know what the design looks like.

One certaintly must wonder.......

[yellowcanine]

22. And Gaaaaw-duh said, "Let there be fish that swim and creep in the

swampy land." And Gaaaaw-duh saw that it was good and it pleased him, for he knew it would confound the athiestic moral relativistic Bible denyin' evilutionist Darwinists.

[sinkingfeeling]

23. Skinner, how did the fish get from Eden in the ME to Canada?

[daveskilt]

32. according to the mormons Eden is in Missouri - it must have walked!

[ContraBass Black]

24. Good God, Skinner,

It looks like they think you're serious.

[central scrutinizer]

25. link please!

I can't find this "journal" online - do you have a link to the original?

[SoCalDem]

26. Aaaw..Eden fish is smiling

because he knows Jesus Loves Him

[Vektor]

27. Hahahaha...funny!

But it wouldn't surprise me to learn there are RW'ers who do believe this sort of craziness.

[rhymeinreason]

28. My blood was boiling until about the seventh paragraph...

then I rested, and had a good laugh! Thanks, Skinner.

[The Doctor.]

29. This;

"We know that the first place on earth was the Garden of Eden, because it says so in the Bible," said Byron Norris, a professor of creation science with an honorary Ph.D. from Liberty University. "Now, imagine if the Garden of Eden was kinda swampy, with lots of very shallow water. If you imagine such a Garden of Eden, then this Eden fish would be perfect for it. And since we know for a fact that this animal existed, we know that the Garden of Eden must have been swampy. And swampy is the perfect habitat for this fish. So this humble little creature proves once again the existence of the Biblical Garden of Eden."


-Is very clever.


I'm going to show it to my 11 year-old. He should be able to grasp the twist.

[alittlelark]

30. Very funny! I had to check.... My mother edits a real one of those rags

http://www.swcp.com/creation/news/0602.htm

I'm going to send her your 'article'.... anonymously.

Perhaps a few others would do the same....?

[The Doctor.]

45. Oh, you simply MUST tell us all

what happens!

I have a fundie friend I might be cruel enough to send this to.

I once sent her some index-scrubbed Hitler quotes and asked her if she could figure out who said them.
Her response was, "Those sound like very wise words, I can only think it is someone like Bush or Martin Luther King."

I told her, she scrubbed the influence from her head quickly.

[alittlelark]

47. I called my mother tonight.... she hasn't opened her e-mails

.................she's just too busy......................


The demons she told me were living inside me must have clouded her view.

[The Doctor.]

56. Wow....

My mother told me to 'seek help' when I told her about the issues with 9/11... and I'm a psychologist.
How apt... a cognitive psychologist who knows how it is people 'shunt' and 'edit' memories trying to tell people about the very things they 'shunt' and 'edit'.

I can do it, but I have to be sneaky.

I guess I should be thankful Ma Eldritch is just a Republisheep and not a Fundie though.

The fundies are quite impossible to get through to.

[eppur_se_muova]

31. April 10 issue? Not April 01? "The Journal of Scientific Creationism...

...and/or Intelligent Design"! Love it! This post is obviously a labor of love. All the little details are right, down to the oh-so-plausible "experts" and the CYA footnotes. A great job, Skinner.

[daveskilt]

33. From April 2005 Scientific American Journal

Okay, We Give Up

There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.

In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of so called evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it.

Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.

Moreover, we shamefully mistreated the Intelligent Design (ID) theorists by lumping them in with creationists. Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that's a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That's what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn't get bogged down in details.

Good journalism values balance above all else. We owe it to our readers to present everybody's ideas equally and not to ignore or discredit theories simply because they lack scientifically credible arguments or facts. Nor should we succumb to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do. Indeed, if politicians or special-interest groups say things that seem untrue or misleading, our duty as journalists is to quote them without comment or contradiction. To do otherwise would be elitist and therefore wrong. In that spirit, we will end the practice of expressing our own views in this space: an editorial page is no place for opinions.

Get ready for a new Scientific American. No more discussions of how science should inform policy. If the government commits blindly to building an anti-ICBM defense system that can't work as promised, that will waste tens of billions of taxpayers' dollars and imperil national security, you won't hear about it from us. If studies suggest that the administration's antipollution measures would actually increase the dangerous particulates that people breathe during the next two decades, that's not our concern. No more discussions of how policies affect science either - so what if the budget for the National Science Foundation is slashed? This magazine will be dedicated purely to science, fair and balanced science, and not just the science that scientists say is science. And it will start on April Fools' Day.

Okay, We Give Up

MATT COLLINS
THE EDITORS [e-mail]
COPYRIGHT 2005 SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, INC.

[GreenCommie]

42. I still have that one

One of my favorites.

[The Wielding Truth]

52. Doesn't it remind you of children's logic and we have to go along so

we don't overburden their brains so they can sleep peacefully until they are old enough for the truth?

[thereismore]

34. A tetrapod? I counted two limbs only. That tail is also a figment of

imagination. Sorry, I'll wait for a more complete specimen.

[BootinUp]

35. that better be frickin satire!

Dammit!

I really can't take much more creationism nonsense.

[bluerum]

36. Good one Skinner!

Seems like some folks were at least temporarilly duped by this - which says more about our lack of good teachers who can teach science than it does for the religiosity scammers who sell creationism as science.

If one cannot tell the natural world from fantasy then,,, well,,, you end up with * as preznident.

[Felix Mala]

37. "So if she weighs the same as a duck, she's a witch!"

[daveskilt]

44. and that my leige is how we know the earth to be banana shaped

this new learning fascinates me bedeveire - tell me again how sheeps bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

[bluerum]

46. Yeah - but keep your finger off the scales. nt

[Danascot]

39. Satire is Dead!

The fundies and the repugs have killed my ability to detect satire. They have perpetrated so many outrages and made so many jaw-dropping statements that now I can read most of the way through some ridiculous story without realizing that it's satire and that I've been had. I truly can't tell anymore.

[handsignals4theblind]

40. Creationism is junk Science

They can only poke holes in the well tested hypothesis of Evolution that has met all challenges since it was proposed.

All it took was one conservative judge in Kansas to bring their quasi- science of ID crashing to the ground----if only the same rationality was used for trickle down economic voodoo nonsense

[GreenCommie]

41. Absolutely wonderful!

I love how you captured their begging the question so well... especially in "Eden was a swamp, therefore the fish lived there, and because the fish lived there, Eden was a swamp."

Brilliant!

[Maestro]

43. I'm sorry the story referred to Bob Jones Univ. and

Liberty University, both complete jokes of university learning.

[yurbud]

48. you had me going there for a couple of paragraphs

[panzerfaust]

50. Celebrate Creationism

... and the Glory of Christian Truth.

Recall that today (12 April) was the day when the Heretic Galileo was condemned by the Holy Mother Church for holding that the earth was not the center of the universe as taught by Holy Scripture.

Chief Inquisitor Father Vincenzo Maculano da Firenzuola spoke for The Lord when he said "We order that by a public edict the book of Dialogues of Galileo Galilei be prohibited, and We condemn thee to the prison of this Holy Office during Our will and pleasure...”

Good it will be when Christian Theology is once more the rule of law. When ignorance, myth, and superstition again rule the world with a mailed and bloody fist.

God Bless.

[drm604]

51. Your footnote.

¹Please note that "many" does not necessarily mean "most"; "prominent" does not necessarily mean prominent in the scientific world; and "scientists" does not necessarily refer to individuals with degrees in science.

That footnote would probably be appropriate at the bottom of every recent creationist and ID article. Great job, Skinner.

[NMMNG]

55. Heh heh

Christian apologists will go through any number of contortions to explain away science that discredits their Biblical tales. This exquisite post of yours only illuminates the lengths they'll go to, albeit in a very humorous light.

[BREMPRO]

57. In our science as fiction America.. this could be taken as "truth"

What we take easily as humor, others would just as easily believe as truth. It's reminiscent of pseudo-science rhetoric i've heard that makes me think that a new dark ages is a present risk.. how tragic and infuriating that we have allowed the undermining of science and education, to be reduced to myth and indoctrination- where the bible has more weight that true science. I get the humor, but at the same time it scares me. It now seems that even the most ridiculous non-scientific babble can be taken as gospel by brainwashed believers who have limited critical thinking skills, no sense of history or knowledge of scientific method and conclusions... "Thats ridiculous! My child is NOT a monkey!!" The problem is that the evangelists entire belief system is based on unprovable fictions, stories and myths, so they need to protect it's foundation with attacks on the scientific community( such as the evolution vs. creationist debate) that undermines their belief systems validity. Ironically, they treat science as just another belief system, on par with religion. This is a false dichotomy. Religion, belief, and myth have their place and value, but should not be confused with science.

[mcscajun]

58. Can't help but think of the Babel Fish right now...

The Babel fish is small, yellow and leechlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish.

(snip)

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that You exist, and so therefore, by Your own arguments, You don't. Q.E.D."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.