Tales of WTFuckery, Volume 12: The Misadventures of Turtlenshoe

[Dr. Strange]

Tales of WTFuckery
Volume 12: The Misadventures of Turtlenshoe

Turtlenshoe was a turtle whose appetite for shoes was voracious. Most people knew of her propensity, but thought little about it. But this was because they didn’t realize the full magnitude of Turtlenshoe’s existence. For in her hand, she held the fate of the human race.

This fact was known all too well by an evil entity, known by many names, the most common of which was “Elfigan.” The Elfigan entity wanted nothing more than to destroy the human race. To this end, he created things like viruses, nuclear weapons, and algebra.

And one day, he decided to target Turtlenshoe.

He lured her to the woods with a candy heart. And in a clearing in these woods, he placed a most attractive shoe. Turtlenshoe was immediately smitten and starting making sweet love to the shoe.

The Elfigan entity had her right where he wanted her. He called forth one of his most evil minions: the narwhal¹. He told the narwhal² to attack Turtlenshoe.

But Turtlenshoe, being so immensely important to the human race, had several protectors. Three of her guardian angels appeared, ready to protect her. One angel, BeachBaby, fired an angry laser at the narwhal³. Another angel, mcctatas, held the shoe in place, making it easier for Turtlenshoe to do her thing. A third angel, 3.14158675309, stood guard over Turtlenshoe, making sure no one could attack her. Or he may have been just watching her express her love for the shoe. No one really knew what he was or what he was doing.

With the narwhal⁴ vanquished, the Elfigan entity was defeated, and went off to visit CreekDog and to sulk. And the angel mcctatas sent one of her own minions to clean up the mess left by Elfigan’s shenanigans.

Artist’s rendition:



¹FUCKING NARWHALS FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!, http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=8548319 (redqueen)
²HORNS N SHIT YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!, Ibid
³FUCKING STAB YOU GOD DAMN NARWHALS GOD DAMN!, Ibid
⁴FUCKING SWIMMING AROUND AND SHIT STABBING BITCH ASS DOLPHINS BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING NARWHALS MOTHER FUCKER!, Ibid

[Symarip]

1. Few times in life have I witnessed perfection

I'm marking my calendar so I can never forget this day.

[motely36]

2. so wrong on so many levels

:rofl:

[Tommy_Carcetti]

3. Holy Shit!!!!! Rofl! Rofl! Rofl!

Holy Shit!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I don't think anything would ever make me laugh harder than "Lord of the Chuggo", but.....congrats!

(Wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes...)

Okay. This needs to be posted on GD and GD: P. Pronto.

[Dr. Strange]

5. FUCK! I FORGOT CHUGGO!

Oh well, there's always volume 13...

[Symarip]

7. I think it should be noted:

Turtlenshoe is the only character with feet. However, given this she does not represents Jesus Christ.

[Dr. Strange]

8. Turtlenshoe is a friend of mine.

Turtlenshoe is my friend.

But your note is duly noted.

[3.14158675309]

4. BAAAAAHHH!!!!ELEVENS!!!

OMG Where to begin? First, Where the fuck can I find episode 11??

Wonderful story: I laughed, I cried, I visited Mr. Coffee's bunk.

Also, I did not realize that 22/7 was an angel druid! :shrug:

[Dr. Strange]

6. Well, that's the thing about these angels....

It's really not quite clear what they are. The script writers leave it so open to interpretation, because there's such a fine line between good and MOTHERFUCKING NARWHALS YEAH!

[TZ]

9. !

I laughed I cried I shook my head. Goddamnit you are twisted! I see Vince is watching with approval....
And that third "angel"..."watching her express her love for the shoe..." Yeah...you got that straight mister!

:rofl: as motely said..so wrong yet so funny..

[Tommy_Carcetti]

10. Kicked for its unspeakable brilliance. nt

[siligut]

11. Thank you for kicking this!

I would have been unbearably sad if I had missed this. Not to mention once more out of the loop and until I humbled myself by asking, inexorably puzzled by any future references to Volume 12 by lounge denizens.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

13. Volume 9 was still the best, IMHO.

That one was so intense. Kept me on the edge of my seat.

[siligut]

16. Wait!

Aw, crap.

[flvegan]

12. Elfigan? Algebra?

Not surprised that Zoot is a shoefucker.

[TZ]

14. nice post ELFIVGAN

:P

[MrCoffee]

15. Error: You've already recommended that thread.

:applause:

[Dr. Strange]

22. Methinks you might like the next edition of Tales of WTFery.

:)

[TZ]

23. hehehe.

What is I can barely wait for $1000, Alex?

[BeachBaby]

17. OH. MY. EFFIN. GAWD.

What did you do to Susan? :rofl:

And let me get this right.....you're picking on The Vegan One? I'm not so sure he's going to be as lenient on you, as the rest of us have been. :scared:

DUzy, baby. DUzy. That. Is. All. :patriot:

[Dr. Strange]

18. Heh.

Okay, I didn't really do anything to the turtlemeister--that comes from the original work of art by Symarip. But the Elfigan entity (who is shown in the upper left) is an amalgam of Danny Elfman and Billy Corgan, and doesn't have anything to do with 5gan. Although, given his evil nature, it does seem natural that there would be a connection between the two.

Hmmm, fodder for future volumes of...

Tales of WTFuckery!

[Tommy_Carcetti]

19. I'm bumping this while it's still an active thread.

This should be bookmarked if you ask me.

[mcctatas]

20. you may need professional help...

or you are a fecking evil genius, either way, you scare me dude :P

[Dr. Strange]

21. Nice post, Jeff Foxxworthy.

If you post tales of WTFery in the Lounge, you may very well need professional help.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

24. My god! That turtle is fapping itself with the use of a shoe!

I'm horrified!

[arcadian]

25. I'm shaking and all the blood has rushed to my brain.

n/t