You are all invited to the Midlo pity party.

[Midlodemocrat]

Feel free to bring beer.

Here's the story. Ten years ago, my across the street neighbors moved away. They had four kids. Dad was and apparently still is, a controlling borderline sociopath, and Mom was the requisite perfect wife. Nice enough lady, but the way she parented was sometimes upsetting to me because they were and apparently still are, extremely controlling, rigid, etc. You get the drift. Also,of course, major repukes. MAJOR. He is a Naval academy grad and just returned from Kuwait where he was for a year.

So, I figured I would be on Oprah at some point detailing how I knew the family prior to the elder two boys bludgeoning their parents to death in their sleep, but I digress.

So, she shows up on my front porch yesterday. They've moved back. AND, the four kids are beyond perfect. Two boys in service academies, daughter a borderline Olympic swimmer and runner up for beauty pageants. You get the drift.

So, apparantly, I've been doing this parenting thing all wrong. My kids are great, by my standards, anyway, but I don't think, no I'm pretty sure BoyMidlo isn't Naval Academy material.

I HATE it when I'm wrong. :cry:

[crim son]

1. Comfort thyself, Midlo.

There is still plenty of time for those beautiful children to screw up AND I'm sure they all suffer from severe mental anguish. :P

Judge not...

[LaraMN]

2. Who says you're wrong?

Just wait, honey...

[idgiehkt]

5. yeah. I was waiting for other people to post so

I could add in that these are the kind of people that always end up being into S&M or something like that. Skeletons in closets galore.

*nothing implied here to suggest S&M is wrong, it is the contrast between that activity and the white bread exterior image that I am referring to.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. By my standards my kids are awesome.

But we focus on compassion and stuff like that here and let a lot of the superficial stuff go. Hell, my kitchen was a mess yesterday when she arrived because I haven't had a working dishwasher since Christmas Eve and the MidloKidlos have no freaking idea how to use a paper plate,obviously. Her house: Immaculate. At all times. And so is she. Coiffed, dressed. Me: DU tee shirt and jeans.

This gal is a nice enough person, but I couldn't stand when they lived here how controlling he was. It even got to my husband who is the original Joe Clueless.

I told him last night that they moved back and he says "Oh, I always liked them". Me :wtf: I said to Joe Clueless, "Do you remember when he trick or treated dressed like an Indian and was barechested with a lit torch and almost set my house flag on fire"

Him: "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that". :eyes:

But, the kids are PERFECT...... :banghead:

[LaraMN]

31. Meh. "Perfect" is never what it seems.

I speculate as much anecdotaly, but I've yet to meet a "perfect" person, and the ones I encounter who seem the nearest example often end up being MUCH the opposite, once I know them better.

Flaws, eccentricities, and nonconformist ways make for FAR more interesting individuals.

I'd rather hang with the Midlos than the Mattels, any day.

[QMPMom]

66. Believe me, her life is not as perfect as she would have you

believe. I'll bet anything all the bragging is to cover up some major dysfunction in that family.

And - "It even got to my husband who is the original Joe Clueless."

That describes my husband perfectly. Absolutely perfectly! I may call him that on occasion when he's particularly oblivious to things. Thank you for the huge grin!

[JackBeck]

3. My only advice:

Try not to let someone else's accomplishments make you feel like you've failed. BoyMidlo has gifts that your neighbor's kids could only dream of having.

Do you like Bass?

[Midlodemocrat]

42. They all do.

TeenMidlo even went and rescued her drunk friends the other night so no one would drive. She wasn't with them, she was here with a few friends and got the call at 12:00 that they were drunk and needed a ride.

I was pretty proud of her for that. She elected not to go to that particular event because she knew it was gonna get wild.

She has pretty much made herself the designated driver. She LOVES to drive and loves her car, so she's okay with that.

I am too. If it keeps some of the stupids safe. Kids do such stupid, scary things.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear Midlo......

Just because they look good on the outside........

DOES NOT mean that they're good on the inside, sweetie......

Stop comparing!

We've got your back, OK?

I mean, really!

:loveya: :hug:

[Nickster]

6. Just remember, Dubya is a graduate of Yale and Harvard Business School.

[crim son]

7. Best response so far.

Midlo should take heart.

[Nickster]

10. I always felt that I'd want my kids to grow up and be happy, well adjusted gas station

attendants if the alternative is being a materially successful evil prick.

[Midlodemocrat]

18. Yup. We've been raising ours to be compassionate

and caring. So, I guess we've been going about this all wrong.

Her kids do their own laundry. Mine don't know where the laundry room is located.

Her kids pick up the dog poop in the back yard. I hire someone to do it because I felt if *I* didn't want to do it, I shouldn't make the kids do it.

Mine help out and everything, but they do a lot of volunteering with disabled children, so the quest for the service academy prize ain't happening.

And, mine are happy. Which I love.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. LOL. Thanks, that was funny.

And, did make me feel better.

It's not that I'm comparing, but when you see parenting that is SO different from your own and then the kids turn out fabulously, it's a might disheartening.

I had a neighbor who told me years ago that all of their kids would have to go to the service academies if they wanted to go to college. I remember thinking that that was a lot of pressure to put on a child, but dammit if the oldest didn't get into West Point.

Daughter is a rebel though. Worked for and supported Kerry, so that did make me smile a bit.

[Nickster]

25. Don't you dare do that to yourself. I'd venture a guess that you just have to look at your children

to see how fabulously they are turning out. Trying to keep up with the Jones in any fashion is only going to kill your own spirit.

[MissMillie]

51. we here at HBS are not very proud of that

and you all should know that a full 15% of HBS students do not know their own name.

[matcom]

8. Hey. THEIR daughter doesn't have ME

wait. Olympic swimmer?

you have to be flexible for that no?

:think:

[Midlodemocrat]

14. LOL. Not to mention runner up in beauty pageants.

:grr:

[matcom]

17. oh DAMN!

i'll be RIGHT over!! :bounce:

what kind of beer do you think they like?

[Midlodemocrat]

22. TeenMidlo is partial to BudLight.

:eyes:

Her friends prefer Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum apparently.

The little lush.

[matcom]

24. no, no, no

the OTHER daughter!

[Midlodemocrat]

33. Oh, I'm sure she is so perfect that alcohol has never passed

her lips. She probably doesn't talk on line, or have a cell phone. *sigh*


I still have time with BabyMidlo, though. I'm going get that little fucker into the Naval Academy if it kills me.

:rofl:

Boy, that would be unreal.

[JVS]

36. Bartles and Jaymes winecoolers are in order then, Matcom

[Midlodemocrat]

39. LOL. The road behind the high school is littered with

wine cooler bottles. Must be the drink of choice.

[matcom]

41. my thoughts exactly

i'm thinking Peach

[JVS]

45. An excellent choice, sir

[matcom]

46. i'm thinking a nice January '07 Vintage

[Midlodemocrat]

47. A fine, fine month for wine coolers.

:rofl:

[ohiosmith]

11. You should celebrate her success as a parent. Failing that, and if it would make you feel better,

chop her into little pieces in the middle of the night and feed the parts to your pets.

[matcom]

13. whilst wearing a diaper

:rofl:

[ohiosmith]

16. A diaper does add something to the visual doesn't it?

[Midlodemocrat]

15. See. I thought her two eldest boys were going to take care of that

for me.

I mean, this was a woman who thought that being a good mom was having cookies for them after school. Not actually watching them, mind you, but they did get a sugary boost.

[ohiosmith]

21. You think she'd adopt me? Is she hot?

[Midlodemocrat]

27. Yup. Unfortunately, the beyotch hasn't aged a day.

Whilst myself looks as though she was run over my a truck and then hit with a brick.

[ohiosmith]

32. You have no choice. You must kill her. Unless she adopts me of course.

[Nickster]

28. LMAO, that was what I was going to suggest! n/t

[underpants]

19. Awww here have this

[matcom]

23. ...

:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

30. Asshole.

:bounce:

[underpants]

48. Here's what I would have done

"Wow that is great good for you. Hey, is your husband still gay?"

[Midlodemocrat]

49. He's neither decent, nor intelligent enough to be gay.

He's a major control freak. Yesterday, she wanted to give me her number and I was searching for something other than a freakin' crayon, :eyes: and she said Oh, *** gets so mad when I don't have blue pens for him to write with.

I was kinda :wtf: What difference does the color make?

Apparently, when you are a control freak, a lot. She's never had an opinion that was different from his on anything. It's a little creepy, actually.

[underpants]

52. Blue pens

I noticed during the Clinton impeachment committee hearings (I was moving back to Richmond so I was home all day with C-Span on) that everyone had blue pens. The reason, as I have been told, is so that things you write can't be copied or faxed around without it being clear that it is a copy and not the original. Basically you can control who has your writing because blue doesn't copy or fax very well.

[matcom]

54. 100% correct

that is as I understand it as well

[underpants]

55. YES!!

That was awesome!

[jobycom]

20. Be happy for them. It's not a competition.

They did a good job on their children. Doesn't make their politics right, and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Maybe ten years from now the roles will be reversed. Maybe the Annapolis kids will melt down and realize their whole lives were a lie. Or maybe they will go on, have wonderful careers, become president, and have perfect families themselves. It shouldn't affect your life one bit. Be happy, for them and for what you've got. Life's complicated, there is more than one way to do it right. BoyMidlo will develop his own virtues at his own pace, and who knows, he may wind up with accomplishments that amaze and awe your neighbors. Life paths can't be compared to other life paths.

And have a beer. Beer cures everything. :)

[Midlodemocrat]

26. Oh, I know. You're right. I was just grousing.

It's so strange to see kids who have turned out so perfectly when you thought that they would turn out to be serial killers based on the way they were being raised.

Tonight, just for the hell of it, I'm going to beat all the MidloKidlos with a belt. Probably long overdue. (kidding, of course)

[ohiosmith]

29. everything except incontinence

[jobycom]

35. You need an astro-diapy for that. nt

[YankeyMCC]

34. How happy are those kids?

And how happy do they make others besides their parents?

Seems to me it's still to early to make a sure measurement of which parenting style results in the happier and more moral adults. At least what you describe is not enough to take a full measure. Certainly they've accomplished something - but the things you mention could easily be the result of bad parenting techniques that will ultimately result in unhappy, immoral adults or at least not as successful in those measures as your method of stressing compassion etc...

I'm already pretty sure my son will not be like your returning neighbor's children. He may not even make some of the 'achievements' I made academically. But that doesn't bother me in the least because I know much of my so call academic achieves were just me going through the motions and checking the boxes that I thought needed to be checked in life. Not to say I don't stress the importance of education but I make it clear the goals are not 'get this grade' 'get that diploma' the goals are 'how to best be happy' 'how to best be moral and productive member of society'.

If turns into a happy, moral adult that can support himself I'll consider my successful at parenting. ;)

[Midlodemocrat]

37. Good point.

My kids are pretty happy. We have a pretty easy going household. I don't ride them about homework (well sometimes BoyMidlo, who would leap to his own death before doing it without prodding), and they help with chores, but we're just not that regimented.

I gotta believe that being in one of the service academies will make you kind of rigid if you aren't already. These two parents are really into appearances, whereas we don't care about that stuff. I look at my kids and I KNOW they are gorgeous. Inside and out.

[LostinVA]

38. Being gay will do that to a person

Should have stayed on the straight and narrow, Midlo, instead of letting Haruka give you the gay.

Betcha BoyMidlo would have been Admiral matrial...

[Midlodemocrat]

44. OMG. THe last thing she told me was that her husband

would find out if he made Admiral in the next couple of weeks.


I should have told her about completing my doctorate so she'd have to call me "Dr. Midlo".



:rofl:

[LostinVA]

53. When the hell did Richmond get a port???

[Midlodemocrat]

56. He's still in the reserves and has been flying into DC once a month

for the past ten years.

Richmond does have a port, though. On the James.

[LostinVA]

57. *sigh* You're taking my fun away

Just like a mother with bad parenting skills.

[Midlodemocrat]

58. *sigh* I know. I'm a chronic fun sucker. Just ask the MidloKidlos.

:cry:

[LostinVA]

60. Hey, I have a tres great idea

Not this weekend, but next month when Haruka comes down, let's meet in Short Pump someplace and have lunch.

(even if you are a fun sucker)

[Midlodemocrat]

61. That is a tres, tres great idea!

Let's plan on it. I don't have anything major going on next month, I don't think. I have to go to Hampton Roads at some point to chaperone the show choir, but they haven't nailed the date down yet.

:bounce:

[LostinVA]

62. Okay, cool

She's coming down this weekend, but I'm recovering from the oral surgery. I'm going there March 16. So, sometimes between now and then she'll be down. We'll call.

[matcom]

63. 'Short Pump'?

:rofl:

[tigereye]

40. nah

you're fine.

Prefection in that form is kinda scary, anyway.

[Giant Robot]

43. And behind closed doors...

The children are automatons not capable of independent thought, as rigid as their parents, will not be able to cope with the smallest of setbacks that life will eventually give them. they will struggle to live up to ideals that will never be met, always trying for mommy or daddy's approval but never quite being good enough for it. They will lose themselves in drugs and alcohol and move from un fulfilling relationship to relationship, unable to connect with others. Oh but on the outside everything will be perfect.

Meanwhile your kids will make a difference in the world. I would say something like one will grow up to be President, but, well, it doesn't look like that's as hard as it used to be.

[MissMillie]

50. You know, it's possible

that those kids turned out great DESPITE their sociopathic dad.

You're not wrong... your just different. And very few kids are Naval Academy material.

[Midlodemocrat]

59. I know. That's the part that is pissing me off.

My kids DON'T have a sociopathic dad, just a HP (heart patient) dad.

:rofl:

[Madspirit]

64. Stepford Republicans ...Ahhhhhh n/t

[VenusRising]

65. For what it's worth...

It sounds to me like what they did was sent their children out to be disciplined like dogs. Service academies, beauty pageants, and pre-Olympian? All of those things have people who do nothing but sit around and tell you how much you suck at this thing or are incompetent at that. I'm sure their "perfection" doesn't feel like that at all to the kids. They probably feel as though their every movement is monitored and therefore do not have the actual free will and confidence that your children have. Be proud that your kids have learned to think for themselves and be responsible regardless of whether or not someone is looking over their shoulders.

You done good, mama!!
:hug: