The Rude Pundit - In Brief: Newt Gingrich Will Fuck You With His Passion for America

[meegbear]

When David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Network (motto: "It's not news unless we've nailed it") asked bloated serial adulterer and ex-House Speaker Newt Gingrich about his "personal issues as it relates to the past" not "in the way that everybody else has asked about it," Brody was referring to Gingrich fucking around on his cancer-ridden first wife with the woman who became his second wife and then fucking around on her when she got MS with the woman who became his third wife.

What's Gingrich's explanation to the listening and watching Christianites? He just loves this country so fucking much: "There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate." That's right. He wasn't driven by a desire to stick his tiny penis into strange vaginas and jiggle around there for a little while. No, he was forced to fuck around on his wives because he just loved America so much. Why didn't John Edwards think of that? Oh, and God has forgiven Newt for it, so, you know, you can go fuck yourself with your condemnation.

Gingrich is probably going to run for the Republican nomination for president because, really, at this point in his post-disgraceful resignation career, what the fuck else is he gonna do? Get a job? He describes how people view the president-person in the creepiest way possible: "You want to be able to look into them and understand, do they share my values? Do they know what I’m frightened of? Do they have answers that are real? Are they stable; are they capable of doing something? It’s one thing to be an advisor. It’s another thing to be a doer." Doer? He barely knew 'er. (High five, anyone?)

Also, did you know that Newt's got an opinion on Judeo-Christian society? Fuck, yeah, he does. "In a sense, our Judeo-Christian civilization is under attack from two fronts. On one front, you have a secular, atheist, elitism. And on the other front, you have radical Islamists. And both groups would like to eliminate our civilization if they could. For different reasons, but with equal passion."

By "passion," of course, he means that secular, elitist atheists and radical Muslims want to make sweet love with Judeo-Christians. It's what you do when you're all passionate about something, as Gingrich would know.

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