I feel like my current financial situation is turning me into a dick.

[Buddyblazon]

Don't get me wrong. I have a job. I'm greatly appreciative of that. However...I'm greatly UNDER employed.

I am just not giving my time to "lackeys" in my industry (I work in concert production)....or doing them favors (like free tickets) unless they are willing to reimburse me.

An asshole for the "other" major promoter in town that has the ability to give me work (but doesn't) just texted me to get his niece into a show on Saturday. He's done this dozens of times, and NEVER once returned the favor.

So I texted back to him, "I'll get her into the show...in exchange for one day of work.". After an hour of silence, he came back with, "Sure".

I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of taking one for the team where they dangle a carrot in front of me for years and tell me, "If you're really good, you'll be taken care of.".

Well...I've been good. Really REALLY good. After 11 1/2 years of being "good" they gave me the stage manager position in one of their major venues. So I've been "really really good" as the stage manager for 3 1/2 years. I've gotten one pittance of a raise...though it only evens out the pay decrease they gave me a couple months after taking the position. "You can take it or quit.", they told me. So I took it.

With my pittance of a raise...they paid me $16,900 last year. Forget that my allegiance is to them and has been for over a decade. Forget that my current position keeps me from going on the road (if I want to keep the position) where I can make real money. 15 years I've been doing this. My ind. gigs brought my income up a bit. But not much. Certainly not enough for my wife and I to finally start a family (she turned 38 last week...the clock is counting down).

I feel like a fucking schmuck.

Corporations man. They've ruined my industry. They've ruined this country. We are no longer human beings. We are fucking numbers. And when you look at a number on a spreadsheet...that number doesn't have a family. There is no life or death for that number. That number has no responsibility.

I'm done with just helping people and companies that are just going to fuck me. But they know...my other choice is going on the road where I'll be away from my family. I'm too dam old to go back to being a Roadie.

So over our situation. Especially knowing there is nothing I can do. Sure. I can quit. To do what? Go work for the other corporate promoter in town that will do the same exact thing?