Reply #112: It boils down to crap communication between the two parents.

[mwooldri]

Communicate better, and have one take the lead... and delegate. Caregiving is one project and society has usually deemed for the mother to be said caregiver. And anyone else helping out in caregiving may not come up to that said caregivers standards. I know, I get comments like "why did you dress your son in this?" and "why did you take him to McDonalds again?". I am not the perfect Dad, and when it comes to household chores, we're equal opportunity slackers and equal opportunity remediators (yes sometimes house gets real messy in the week then we spend all weekend blitzing it clean).

Add shiftwork to this and it gets "real fun". At least I do get some father-son time, for most part with doing the school run to and from school.

Dads get mad too. Sometimes they're a bit kid-like themselves and need some direction. Sometimes even we ask what we can do and we're told "nothing"... and at other times we get given certain things... did I say they don't get done to standards and we get chided and then we feel useless because we didn't do it right and then we're disincentivised to do it again. We want to help out, we want to feel useful but when we're told what we're doing is not good enough, then why bloody well bother because if we do it again, we're going to get told "not good enough."

If it's a case of things feel too uneven one way or another then it's sit down and PLAN TOGETHER. If needs be, buy a cork noticeboard, put it up on the wall, and make up chore lists for everyone to do. If chore lists are all done, then that person gets... FREE TIME! If not, well no free time for you. Even get the kids involved... give them little chores to do.

This is advice I give freely, and advice I need to follow too!

Mark.