Reply #2: The older people I know want to be independent. They want

[JDPriestly]

to live alone. Even if they have good friends, they enjoy the peace and quite of their own homes. My mother is very, very elderly and does not want to leave her home.

It is extremely difficult for older people to move, to adjust to a new home. They are used to finding things where they always put them. They are often physically unable to move in that they cannot unpack and arrange all their belongings in a new place.

Asking an older person to move means asking them to give up belongings that link them to the memories of their past. An older person is very likely to become extremely depressed after moving from a home in which they have lived for a long time.

My mother had a friend who moved from the rural home she had shared with her husband following his death and a long, happy marriage. My mother's friend chose to move because she was afraid of living out in the country all by herself. She had sufficient means and moved into various apartments, mostly senior communities after she sold her house, but she was never at ease in her new surroundings. Gradually, over a period of years, she developed a stomach problem that escaped diagnosis, wretched her food and finally, just refused to eat. She wasted into nothing.

I accompanied my mother on a visit to her friend in a nursing home. My mother, ever the independent spirit, ever stubborn and determined and full of life and love, tried desperately to cheer her friend up. It was hopeless. My mother was bewildered and dismayed, went home and cleaned house.

Moving an elderly people can kill them. Yes, I know, sometimes it works, but it is extremely risky. Better to have someone move in with them.