Reply #175: Oh, you CAN see where these kids learn it. You don't have to look too hard, either.

[davsand]

The parents of these same kids are the ones ALLOWING that kid to have the party that includes all but a couple kids in that class. These same parents are the ones sitting in the corner of the room making comments about what the other Moms are wearing or the cars the families drive.

Last summer, my daughter played on the same softball team with the "popular" girl who thinks she is a geek. One evening at the softball field this girl's mom (along with a couple of others) grabbed me and wanted my help to get the Volleyball Coach fired. My kid always seemed to like that coach just fine, so I asked them what was the issue they were worried about. They began to list their complaints:


"She was seen flirting with a guy at the local roller rink when they took the kids there for a party." (She is single, a college kid and over 21...) There was no physical contact and nothing spotted other than a conversation that they deemed "too animated."

"She lets them listen to awful music at practice." (I'll grant you, Gwen Stefani leaves me cold, but the radio version of HollaBack Girl really IS pretty sanitized compared to what I'm hearing when I flip past the local rap stations.) I was told 'we have "small town values" and that music does not fit with those values...'

The coach had the audacity to talk to the 5th and 6th grade team about (gasp!) PERIODS and the need for hygiene during that time. The parents were never consulted about this and they felt that was just overstepping authority to even broach the subject.


The entire conversation took place with these women standing in a circle around me, with one doing all the talking while the others stood and nodded in agreement, chiming in with particularly "damming" bits as they felt the need. I dunno about you, but do you remember the times in Jr High when somebody was trying to convince you that ____ was a problem and should be shunned because they did_____? THAT is EXACTLY what this entire conversation was about.

Oddly enough, the "popular" girl's dad ended up being the assistant coach this last season after they got that other coach fired.

This same family regularly hosts parties where they invite all but three or four out of the class (or team.)


Now, you TELL me where that girl learned to be an asshole. I am hard pressed to see any hope for that kid either because those parents are equally damaged.

The kid that body checked my daughter into the gym wall has been in trouble since day one. His dad is on the school board and they refuse to do anything about the kid--saying it is just "how boys are..." (I explained to him that if his kid EVER laid hands on my daughter again, that was gonna be how "...boys are when they are in jail charged with Assault and Battery" and that did seem to register, so maybe there is some slight hope there--I dunno.)

Anyhow, I honestly think there is an entire culture of meanness and hate in this country and it isn't just directed at a race, a size, or any other one group. I also think that we CAN change it, but it isn't gonna be easy and the anti-bullying classes they do in schools are not worth the paper they are printed on.

YMMV, but I think you are not alone in feeling like you get crapped on unless you can fly under the radar of the collective assholes of the world. Owning your anger is a great first step. Peace to you. Ain't none of this that is easy, but you kids really ARE a huge gift and you can do it right.


Laura