Reply #45: Let me attempt to offer some advice.

[Lurking Dem]

"Back in the day" as my son would say, I was kidnapped and nearly killed by an African American college basketball player.

Because he was a college basketball player, justice would never be mine even though I gave a very good description of him (they knew who it was when I described him) and later ID'd him to an officer.

For awhile, as I healed from my injuries, I suffered.....animosity.....toward black men. This bothered me a great deal and I wondered if some part of me had been irretrievably stolen.

Finally I asked myself, "what if I had been attacked by a pipe smoker?" Would I have held animosity toward pipe smokers? What if I had been kidnapped by a bearded man? Would I have crossed the street if I saw a man with a beard coming toward me? My answer was an emphatic, "yes!"

That "yes" enabled me to see my feelings for what they truly were and not as a basis for some kind of deep seated racism. Because I was able to be up front with myself about my feelings, I could address them (as you seem to be trying to do) head on.

In no time at all I was back to myself (in that regard anyway) but with new perspectives and maybe a little insight.