The George W. Bush Address to the Nation that Should Have Been

[Hissyspit]

My Fellow Americans:

I have fucked everything up.

I have been fucking everything up in Iraq for the past five years.

I, the President of the United States, even personally went over to Iraq and got one of our 'good guys' slaughtered. Got him marked for death, even as I was touting him as an example of our success. You can't get much worse or more ineffectual than that.

Therefore I submit my resignation from the Presidency of the United States effective next Friday at noon. I have ordered Vice President Cheney to submit his resignation before then, as well, and will him charged with treason if he does not do so by then.

Thank You. Good night and God Bless.