Reply #130: "If my mother hadn't had an abortion, I wouldn't have been born."

[Tansy_Gold]

Of course, this is only an anecdote, so take it for what it's worth:


A friend of mine who is in his mid-40s, born before Roe v Wade legalized abortion, recently lost his father and went back to the midwest for the funeral. He is the youngest of four children, his siblings being respectively 4, 6, and 7 years older. Though raised strictly Catholic, with Catholic school educations through high school, all became more free-thinking as they left home and went to college. None are still practicing Catholics, but they all respected their parents' faith.

After the funeral, at which the father was praised for his devotion to the Church even in the face of "modern changes" and for raising four wonderful children in a traditional Catholic home, the mother suddenly broke down, weeping inconsolably. Everyone thought it was just grief at the loss of her partner of almost 60 years. The other mourners left the cemetery, and the mother even dismissed the hovering priests, said she wanted to be alone with her children.

And when everyone else was gone, she told them the secret she had kept from them all.

Her third child was less than three months old when she began experiencing the horrible morning sickness that signaled another pregnancy. Disconsolate over the prospect of two to three months of this while having to take care of three children under the age of three and then have four under the age of four, she went to her doctor and, after confirming the pregnancy, got a prescription for a newly marketed drug that would alleviate the morning sickness. Her husband, who wanted a very large Catholic family, was delighted that she was pregnant again and glad that the new medication was so effective. Feeling guilty that she had for a while not wanted this baby, my friend's mother accepted the pregnancy and awaited the birth.

Only a few weeks later, her doctor called and told her to stop taking the morning sickness medication immediately. The drug, which was soon to become infamous as Thalidomide, had been shown to cause horrendous deformities in unborn babies whose mothers had taken it during pregnancy. The doctor suggested a therapeutic abortion, but she refused even to consider it. Everyone knew abortion was a mortal sin. But as news reports began telling of the plight of the children born as "Thalidomide babies," my friend's mother began to rethink her decision. She already knew her husband would never consent, and she knew she could not face the trauma of giving birth to a child with severe deformities. More important, there was the doctor's observation: She already had three healthy and beautiful children who would need their mother's love and attention, which she might not be able to give them if this new baby required even more.

Knowing that there was no way to determine whether or not the unborn child had suffered any effects of the Thalidomide, and knowing that she could not even discuss such a matter with her husband, my friend's mother contacted her doctor again, and he arranged for a private, semi-legal but medically safe termination. She never asked if, at that early stage, there were any signs of Thalidomide deformities. She was able to persuade her husband to believe she had a miscarriage, which he blamed on the morning sickness drug.

A couple years later, she conceived again and had a fine, healthy boy.

"She told me, there at my father's grave, that if she hadn't had the abortion, she would never have had another child," my friend said a couple of weeks ago after he got back from the funeral. "So while we all know people who say 'If my mother had had an abortion, I wouldn't have been born,' my situation is just the opposite. She said she felt as though my birth was a sign that God had forgiven her."

I asked him what happened that made him the last child, and he laughed.

"My father had got used to the idea that the other kids were getting older and didn't need diapers and bottles and midnight feedings and so on. He told my mother after I was born that maybe they didn't need any more. She had her tubes tied, even though it was major surgery compared to a vasectomy. She knew he'd never agree to THAT!"



Tansy Gold