Reply #20: I have found that you have to deal with the reality you are given

[lapislzi]

If you want to actually feed people (as opposed to nourishing them, which is a different discussion), you have to give them what they will eat. That is your reality.

You have already made the decision to give. You can choose not to give if you are uncomfortable with the use or nature of your gifts. That's your choice, but once you've chosen to give, the recipient is free to choose. It's out of your hands.

I go through this all the time with people regarding the donation of money. We had a needy family in my office some months ago. I donated cash, figuring that the needy could and would use it as they saw fit. A co-worker of conservative stripe refused to give cash, saying, "I don't want them spending it on junk. They should use the money to buy groceries." So, don't give cash, then. Give a grocery store gift card. "Well, I don't want them buying junk food or beer." Ultimately, it is not your decision. In good faith, you choose to give. Once you've chosen, it's out of your hand.

That is how in good conscience I can give to certain charities and not others. But I can always give with an open hand, no strings attached. If I give money (or goods), it's not mine any more to say what people should do with it. If I give money to an indigent person on the street, it is with full knowledge that that person might go across the street to the liquor store and drink up my $20 in 20 minutes. So I choose before I give. And I try never to judge the recipient. An indigent alcoholic is just as needy as the next person.