Reply #22: nothing would top the Kids in the Hall version

[thebigidea]

Scene: an airport runway during a thunderstorm. Mark is loading some bags on to a 4 person, single engine propeller plane

Kevin: Hey!

Mark: Hey!

Kevin: (drinking from a gin bottle) Get out of my way, you fucking peasant. You fucking piece of shit! Now that you've carried my luggage for me, why don't you FUCK OFF, and get in the bus with the other worms. That's right. You're riding on the BUS, dirt boy. You know why? You deserve the bus. Where as I will be riding in style on the airplane. (Coming at Mark, Mark is cowering away) Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?

Mark: yeah..

Kevin: huh? I'm fuckin' Buddy Holly! That's who I am! Right now I'm on top of the fuckin' world. I'm 22, I've got my whole life a head of me. Who knows what great pop songs I'll write. Who knows what hard working rock bands in towns like... I don't know... Liverpool, England, are being influenced by me right now! Heh? On the bus, Loser. Let's get fuckin' flyin'!

Paul: I'm afraid, Buddy. I don't like to fly.

(...)

Kevin: Get in there and lose some weight. (stumbling on the runway) Hey, wait a second. Everything I touch turns to gold. Hey, I got an idea. (Throws the bottle) I'm gonna let my friend, Rocky, fly this plane.

(He opens a suitcase and pulls out Rocky the monkey)

Kevin: Hi Rocky. You wanna fly the plane? Sure you do. Sure you do, you don't need any lessons. Come on. (they climb into the plane) Let's fly this plane. Oh, there's the Big Bopper, the diarrhea king himself!

Dave: Hey, Buddy, what's that drunk monkey doing flying this Plaaaaannnnee?

Kevin: Shut up, you One-hit Wonders, and sing my song.

(plane starts moving)

All: That'll be the day, when you make me cry / That'll be the day, when you say goodbye...

(scene fades to black)