Reply #5: I'd be interested to know if anyone did a study

[Heddi]

on that--whether there was a correlation between more expensive weddings and shorter marriages.

I know alot of women--and alot of them, sadly, really are without a single clue in the world. They think that everything the TV feeds them is the gods honest truth, that they wouldn't SAY it if it weren't so, and that magazines and entertainment television is the second coming of Christ.

These were the women who were planning their weddings from the time they were 16, and only dated guys in the hopes that one of them would propose to them. I don't know---i think that's kind of warped thinking--I dated my husband because he was a nice guy, not because I wanted to marry him. We 'dated' for 3 years before we got engaged. Granted, we lived together, but marriage was never an issue on the front burner. We just kind of decided to do it one day, got engaged, and had a ceremony 6 months later.

i've known women (and girls, depending on the age) that marry the first person they've ever dated, were engaged only 6 months after knowing this person, married 12 months after that, and divorced by their 3rd anniversary (if not sooner). It seemed that the idea of marriage being as permanent as possible never even entered their mind.

And mind you--I'm no prude, and I see nothing wrong with divorce, per-se, but I feel that alot of people tend to get married and have divorce as "option B" should anything go wrong---I mean, isn't that kind of short-sighted? We've been together for 8 years and DIVORCE has never passed my lips. EVER. But then again, we're normal people who can communicate with each other and don't have drama in our lives.

I agree with you--anyone can get married, but staying married seems to be a task these days.

In South Carolina (where I was married), there's a 24-hour waiting period between applying for a marriage license and getting one. However, one must be separated for an entire YEAR before getting divorced.

I say change that shit around---let people get divorced on a whim--who cares. BUT--Make them have a LONG waiting period BEFORE marriage. Let them THINK about the committment they're making and whether they're willing to wait a year to get a license to marry someone they've only known 6 months.

I also think alot of this boils down to the messages that are sent that women MUST be married to be taken seriously. That anyone who ISN'T married by the time they're 21 is an old-maid loser. Of course, I didn't get married until I was 24...and even then we'd been together for 3 years---I find it odd that we dated longer than most people I know were married...and now we've been together for 8 years and still going strong while all my friends are on their 3rd and 4th marriages.

Am *I* the abnormal one? Trends would state "yes" :)

PS your idea of a marriage is great. I felt like we eloped because it was so small and private and no fuss. I could NOT imagine having to coordinate seating for 200 people. SCROO. THAT. SHIT. My rule was: sit wherever the hell you wanna sit. I'm gonna be over here, drinking some champagne at 2pm, just so ya know

:)