Reply #12: thomcat.... i have told this to my boys. my youngest, 14, i said again to him

[seabeyond]

last night, can you believe... can you believe i thought that.

i had a strong, smart, vocal mom. a father that was so respectful and taught me as a girl my self worth, like fathers do. we lived in working class and later middle class. two older brothers a year and two years apart. i was in competitive sports. i had the same expectation on me as my brothers. more so. i was the one pinned to go thru college. wasnt so given in those days.

we were not religious where religion dictated behavior.

i was born in the early 60's. thru society and the strong patriarchy, what was represented every day of life, john wayne putting her over the knee and spanking her, the woman slappong the man, the man works, the woman raises children and takes care of the house, the 60's and early 70's, i learned, knew, thought, man was the boss. i knew he was smarter. better equipped. not emotional. ALL the things we are taught from the day we are born

i can remember in my teens, somewhere along the way, i challenged the thought that there was this huge difference. i challenged the knowing that for whatever reason man was better than woman. though it wasnt so blatant as better or worse. just, it was mans world.

it wasnt bad. it wasnt stiffling. it wasnt done by family with any purpose. i was never put upon.

but i learned that society is so controlling of who we are, that even in that household, i still thought in our patriachal society, that man was more than woman. i started tearing down the conditions then. it took a lot of years.

i told my boys. can you believe? can you believe i ever felt i was less? i find that mind boggling that raised in a perfectly wonderful environment, i had still picked that up.

none of it is hard. society conditions us.

one study in the 80's with a questionairre asking men and women if they were turned on by a picture. men came out much more visual than women. women answered like they were conditioned. men answered like they were conditioned. and now, today, with the smartest of smart, we say men are more visual than women. that is why they need porn.

a study in 2009 where they actually take out the conditioning and hook up the brain and look at the evidence. they find not only are women as visual, they get turned on by all sex. men, only the gender of their preference. (which probably has to do with conditioning)

yet, it will be impossible for society to even consider women are as visual as men. though it made no sense that any one gender is more visual. i havent noticed any one gender enjoying the beauties of our world more than another. being more visual would translate in many parts of our life.

i get why people chose there roles. they think there is a pay off. they think with a well defined role, they will make less mistakes. they hold fear and are vulnerable to have it change. they protect it at all cost. they dont realize, this in itself makes them vulnerable. let go of the roles, and you are no longer vulnerable.