Reply #11: That's a very interesting question.

[RevCheesehead]

After giving it a great deal of thought, I guess I'd say that no, anger doesn't have to be there... at least, not in the form of being angry with Marcus or your sister.
Several years ago, my best friend from school was murdered. The shock at the sudden violent loss was crippling for me, and it took months for me to begin to find anything resembling "normal" in my life. One day, a mutual friend called me (the three of us were very close), and I was kind of shocked when she said "I hate the man who did this to her. I hope he dies an agonizing painful death." Well, I was kind of stunned, but didn't know what to say. So I talked to one of my closest friends in Divinity School, and asked her, "what's wrong with me? I loved Steph just as much as Julie did, but I don't feel that way. I'm angry that she died, but I don't find myself wanting revenge. I'm still feeling the deep pain, but I'm not angry." She very quietly said to me "maybe you're at a different phase in your life, and you've moved beyond the need to BE angry. That's not a weakness. There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, it's a strength."

Anger is an emotion that shows us where our passion lies. We become angry when things aren't as they should be, or when people do things that upset or disappoint us. And, of course, anger and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.
What I do know is that there is no set pattern for grief, and people progress through various stages in the way that is best for them. Remember that people have been grieving long before Dr. Kubler-Ross wrote her book, and they managed to get through it without analyzing it, or asking "what stage am I in?"

To answer your question at the end, remember that "normal" simply means what is typical or usual for most people. You have gone through two traumatic losses, which I would suggest were anything but "normal." Find your own path, be angry if you FEEL angry; but don't sweat it if you don't. Just be yourself, and experience what YOU feel, not what someone else thinks you should feel.

I am so glad to see you posting again. You remain in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you are finding ways for you to cope. Remember that we're all here for you, too. :hug:
much love,
Ruth