Reply #40: Damn, talk about taking all the fun...

[Silent3]

...out of the Latin grammar lesson in "Life of Brian". They need to translate it into Greek now. ;)



Brian is writing a slogan on a wall, oblivious to the Roman patrol approaching from behind. The slogan is "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".

Centurion: What's this then? "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"? "People called Romanes they go the house?"
Brian: It... it says "Romans go home".
Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"?

Brian hesitates

Centurion: Come on, come on!
Brian: (uncertain) "ROMANUS".
Centurion: Goes like?
Brian: "-ANUS".
Centurion: Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?
Brian: "-ANI".
Centurion: (takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI". "EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?
Brian: "Go".
Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go"!
Brian: "IRE"; "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".
Centurion: So "EUNT" is ...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the ...?

He lifts Brian by his short hairs

Brian: The ... imperative.
Centurion: Which is?
Brian: Um, oh, oh, "I", "I"!
Centurion: How many Romans? (pulls harder)
Brian: Plural, plural! "ITE".

Centurion strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" on the wall

Centurion: "I-TE". "DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
Brian: (very anxious) Dative?

Centurion draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat

Brian: Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative, ah, "DOMUM", sir, "AD DOMUM"!
Centurion: Except that "DOMUS" takes the ...?
Brian: ...the locative, sir!
Centurion: Which is?
Brian: "DOMUM".
Centurion: (satisfied) "DOMUM"...

He strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM"

Centurian: ..."-MUM". Understand?

Brian: Yes sir.

(Slogan now reads, "ROMANI ITE DOMUM")

Centurion: Now write it down a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: (saluting) Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Brian: (very relieved) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and everything, sir!