Reply #26: I try to find a beautiful place to live, and just be there.

[Gregorian]

I can't even see the streams of cars without going insane with rage now. Of course I've felt that way for thirty years. Most people don't even notice.

I thought I would find peace. But it is fading. I can't explain very well, but I know in my mind just exactly what is going on. I'll just say this one thing- Today I was riding my bike, and thinking about what people are going to do when oil hits $150 per barrel. I was thinking this due to the fact that I have recently moved back to an area that used to be "magical". But it's gone. It's god damned cars now. I'm really pissed off about it. People won't change. They'll still be thinking it's "only them". Just this trip here, and just this one there. But they'll complain. They'll complain about high prices of fuel, but they won't change. We'll start demonizing those who appear to be energy hogs, whether they are or not. We'll engineer smaller more efficient ways of getting around. It'll change slowly. But there is an underlying problem that won't change. The very fact that we are asking something to do our work for us. It's lazy. But that's not the problem. It's wrong. But it's how things are. And it's not going to change. And I hate it. I hate the sound of cars whooshing through the air when I try to just sit in the sun. Or want to ride a bike. And the tire noise. And the baby diapers that are tossed out the windows. And the dead animals by the side of the road. I have a lot to be angry about. Most people don't see it, isolated from their world by glass and steel. But get out and ride a bike, and it's a whole different world. You see, you smell, both the world that was and the one that is now. I pass by a newly killed deer every day. It was hit and then stumbled into the forest to die. Just one example.

So I try to get away. But I'm sad to say that there is no "nowhere" any more. And I decided to get into top physical shape. So no alcohol. I used to pound beers from six until eight in the evening. Then fall into bed. That was a way of coping.

I'm sorry to say that we've polluted our world to a point where there are few places to hide. Or cope.

It's like politics. Ignorance is bliss. Most people don't see what I see. But if you do, you are enraged. It's the same with the environment.

Now, right as I'm typing this, the young deers that were babies at the beginning of the year are strutting outside the window. That is how I cope. Beauty, wherever it may be. Like the rabbit that I saw today. That is what the human being needs.

Something else kind of cool happened today. I ride almost every day, about twenty miles. Today, suddenly, huge mushrooms everywhere. It was like they exploded over night. That is how I cope.