Reply #115: My Canadian mum Joan was born on Xmas day, 1924

[pink-o]

...consequently sharing a b'day with Rod Serling, creator of "Twilight Zone". Believe me, both scared me equally when I was a little kid!

But later on, when I returned home after living in London for awhile, Mum and I became great friends. She had me at age 30, but sometimes I got on with her better than people my own age. I always told her if we'd been peers, we'd've been calling my Dad for bail money at least once in our lives.

I used to hear girls go on about how their Mums drove them crazy, how they criticized and undermined them, and I appreciated even more how lucky I was to have Joan for a mother. She never judged my Boho lifestyle, never told me I should be married with kids. I think a part of her always enjoyed she had a free-spirited daughter. When I started working for the airline industry, she and Dad took full advantage of my travel benefits, and went all over the world. Many times during the 90s, I'd meet my parents in Italy, Spain or France and get tipsy on good European wine in sidewalk trattorias. Great times.

I lost Joan at the beginning of 2007, just after the holidays and her 82nd b'day. Like your mum, she was diagnosed, then went quickly, leaving us all the poorer for it. I can tell you, it does get less painful, but you will never stop missing your mother. Joan and I watched Charles and Diana get married in 1981; so sorry she couldn't see Diana's son do the same. She never saw Obama win the election either, which would have delighted her.

What got me through the worst of my grief was knowing my mother wouldn't want me to be sad--she'd expect me to live my own life to its fullest and not waste time mourning. Also, knowing we had done our best to put aside any stupid issues, shared such rich experiences during her life, and that she'd been pretty content with what life had given her helped a lot. I know you'll find your own ways of getting through it, but I hope some of this can soothe a bit. Take care, remember her fondly and look after yourself--cuz that's what Mum would want!