Love can make you change

[Tobin S.]

I am truly in love for the first time in my life and it's brought about some changes in me.

I made some big changes to be with my fiancee. Got a different job, moved to another state, got engaged. Those have been stressful changes, but they have been worth it. They are not the kind of changes I'm talking about here, though. I'm talking about changes in my interior world.

I used to have a problem with self loathing. It had been with me for so long that I don't remember it being different. It was horrendous up until about 7 years ago when I started getting psychiatric help. It has been slowly fading since then, but I still had to deal with it from time to time. Since I met Jen it is gone. I really like myself now. I am happy and confident. I have a new purpose in life.

I never realized how lonely I was. I had been single for my entire adult life and I guess I was just used to it. I still had a desire to reach out and connect with people, though, but I didn't realize what I was doing. I poured my loneliness and desire out into stories that I would write and share with you guys and other people every once in a while. That lonely, creative energy is gone now, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it disappeared when I finally met someone to love.

People write for different reasons. I'm not saying that all writers are like me.

Another interior change is that I don't get angry now. I'm more likely to let things go when someone does something shitty to me. I'm more likely to empathize and cut people some slack. I understand that when people act like jerks it might be because they don't have any love in their lives.