BREAKING: Clampett family forced to sell mansion, eat Ellie Mae's critters for survival

[Amerigo Vespucci]

CNN, BEVERLY HILLS, CA - The Clampett Family...Granny, Jed, Ellie Mae and cousin Jethro Bodine...have felt the sting of the current recession, selling their spacious Beverly Hills mansion and loadin' up the truck to move back to Bug Tussle, Tennessee.

Their problems began when their banker, Milburn Drysdale, wired all of their funds to a Cayman Islands bank account and unexpectedly left the country. Drysdale's secretary, Miss Jane Hathaway, told reporters that she "could not comment on an ongoing investigation."

In recent days, the Clampetts have been forced to eat most of Ellie Mae's critters in order to survive. Jethro fondly remembers her chimp, which Granny served in a white wine reduction with corn bread and collard greens. "I done sopped up alla that monkey gravy," he declared. The chimp's last words were reportedly "OOOK!"

For more on the Clampett saga, read CNN'S invesigative report, "Hard Times Down By The C-Ment Pond."