2mg of Xanax and I still can't relax

[Minimus]

There is just too much going on and I cannot get my mind to quit spinning.

I recently turned 45 - kind of depressing.

Over six months unemployed - have been on UI and benefits ran out. I did qualify for extended benefits thank goodness so I have 20 more weeks. The job market sucks. There are hardly any to apply for and when there is one, me and a hundred others do, so I have received many many "thanks, but no thanks" responses.

Divorced finalized a few months ago. Ex got the house and I quit-claimed the deed to him. Unfortunately he was never able to refinance to get my name off of the mortgage and he ended up having to walk away from the house which put it into foreclosure. He quit is job and moved back up north to live with his family.

I had to file bankruptcy since the mortgage company started coming after me.

I was covered on Ex's employer medical plan so had to go on COBRA - $434.00 a month puts a dent in my unemployment benefits.

Thank goodness I live in a house owned by my parents so I do not have to pay a mortgage or rent.

I do have to pay for utilities, food, car payment, COBRA, and for a butt-load of prescription drugs every month. I have a few medical issues that require frequent visits to the doctor's and lab work on a regular basis.

I am running through my little bit of savings pretty quickly.

Okay I will shut up now. I know there are many worse off out there. At least I do not have any children having to go through this mess with me.

I am just in a serious "boo-fucking-hoo for me" mood tonight. And like I said - the Xanax just doesn't seem to be giving me the usual "I-don't-give-a-crap-about-anything" feeling tonight.

Maybe one more milligram will do the trick?