Reply #26: Yes and no.

[Lyric]

Yes, you can still feel love for your spouse, even if you cheat. But are you SHOWING love, and therefore "loving" them? Most of the time, no.

However, there are exceptions. I once knew a pre-op, closeted, MTF transsexual who really did love the woman she'd married--at least, on a "meeting of the souls" level. But she wasn't physically attracted to her wife, and her sexual needs as a human being were completely unmet, so she had a boyfriend on the side to try and help meet that need for sexual fulfillment. It had taken her years of being an adult and out of the home of her ultra-religious parents before she was even able to acknowledge her own sexuality, much less even think of trying to do something about it. By then, she'd already been married for years and had two kids. I suppose a little sex on the side seemed better than losing the family that she loved. I don't judge. America is so viciously cruel to transsexual people that I am not inclined to lay moral judgement down for whatever sad accommodations they feel they have to make in order to lead happy lives.

Her story had a relatively happy ending; it turns out that the wife was an unacknowledged bisexual, and after an enormous fight and a week's worth of heartfelt revelations and apologies, they came to an agreement to have an "open" marriage, so long as everybody played safe--thus preserving the love relationship that they both valued. The Dad of my trans friend died shortly thereafter (before he ever found out about it,) and Mom decided to be accepting rather than to lose her only child forever and live the rest of her life alone. But most stories like that do NOT end well, and innocent people on both sides end up hurting...badly.

It makes me incredibly sad that our country is such a fucked-up place that anyone ever feels like they have to choose between the love of their family and the ability to live your life as the person you really are.