Reply #47: She does everything inside except my laundry. I do everything outside.

[Xithras]

We have a big piece of property, so as I see it she's getting off easy. She does do all of the dr. appointments and takes the kids to the park and parties, but that's more a function of my work hours than anything else.

How to fix it? "Honey, you need to start doing X & Y, or I'm divorcing you. I married you to gain a partner, not another dependent." My wife pulled that line on me years ago when I was stuck in a particularly unhelpful phase, and it snapped me right out of it. YMMV.

But don't nag. Nagging just shuts guys down. Nagging is not only unhelpful, it's counterproductive and will simply make him angry. Just lay down the law and concequences plainly, and let him react to it.

And if he still doesn't help, you'll have to decide whether to follow through on the threat. My wife has made it clear that she already has to pick up after three kids, and refuses to pick up after me. If we're truly equals, I have the same ability to pick things up that she does.