Reply #24: You don't have to create a chasm to insist on some boundaries.

[grace0418]

War toys and games were simply not permitted in my house. They just weren't. Did we use sticks and other gun-shaped objects to play Star Wars anyway? Of course. But we got the message loud and clear. Guns were not okay, violent games were not okay. Dressing up in military costumes was not okay. And my dad was a WWII vet. He just didn't think it was child's play.

You can tell them in no uncertain terms that, while you appreciate and honor the service of your father and everyone in uniform, you don't consider it child's play in the least. Therefore toy guns, violent games, camo clothing and other war-related items are simply not permitted in your home. End of story, no convincing, no haggling, that's just the rule. And if you asked them not to do "battlefield stuff" and they did it anyway, you already have a problem that needs to be addressed. I know it's scary and I know you don't want to snap and ruin your relationship with your parents, but they already crossed a line when they did what you specifically asked them not to do.

I think you should consider whether or not you want to continue to allow unsupervised visits. If you do, then you have to bring up the subject again. This time, tell them in no uncertain terms that you don't want them to bring your son to anything war-related unless you are there to supervise. Tell them that you think it's very important that he understand the sacrifice made on behalf of our country by so many men and women (the military cemetary idea was good), however you want to present that information to him. Remind them that you asked them to refrain before and they ignored your request. Tell them that, this time, if they continue to ignore you, then you won't feel comfortable having him visit unsupervised. Better to address this rationally now then to snap and flip out in the middle of Christmas dinner.

I understand your plight to a certain extent. My in-laws are super-conservative and religious in the extreme. Believe me when I tell you that this is part of my reason for delaying having children. I've seem them with my nieces and they have no qualms about shoving their crazy ideas down those girls throats. I've had to put my foot down with them before (i.e. stop sending us crazy right-wing religious literature and emails) so I am prepared to do it when I have children. However, I'm not looking forward to it. I wish my children were going to have one normal grandparent, but alas they aren't.