Reply #48: You're going through a divorce, right?

[SarahB]

Mine was final a few months ago. I spent years unhappy. Years! However, when you have a bunch of little kids (which I had before my ex-husband developed some serious problems) and no one to help, it's gets pretty damned hard to figure out how to get out. Over two years ago, I told myself, "Once I finish school, I'm leaving this marriage." Ultimately, I couldn't wait that long because I felt like I was going mad with him, so I told him well over a year ago that I wanted out. It was finally final 3 months ago.

I had resolved within myself quite awhile ago that I was going to be alone for a very long time. Sure, maybe I'd date sometimes. Heck, I might even have sex with someone once in awhile if it seemed right, but love? Actual love? That just was for other people and all it brought me was, well, not a lot really. Not angry, not bitter, just probably content and comfortable with myself and to essentially just be alone.

That was until I met him. Ever have this image of this person that seems so perfect (not really perfect, just perfect for you) that you don't even believe they could actually exist? That's how we feel about each other. I don't mean anything in terms of anything shallow, but the stuff that really matters. We are amazed in every second together because we are so grateful for every ounce of pain that brought us to one another. If that sounds stupid or silly or whatever to the rest of the world, it kind of doesn't matter to me anymore. This isn't about anything else other than myself and my love for him.

I hope one day you know what this can feel like or know again. I believe our Karma comes when we're ready and when we least expect it.