Reply #36: in all truth... the bottom is a familiar place to me...

[LastKnight]

before i met her, i was mess... struggling every day to not give in to the constant thought of suicide... i figured id give it 1 year of college to see if things would improve... and they did, i met her, we started out as friends, i told her all my problems, fears, hopes and dreams. i was the closest person on earth to her... and her to i.

we eventuially started going out... and for awhile anyway... i was the happiest id ever been, every day got better and better every hour i spent with her i felt more alive. she even was talking about marrige and a future... which didnt scare me when she said it... i even felt the same. but whenever any other girl had said it to me it scared the living shit out of me. but not with her.

then summer came, we missed each other and spent hours on the phone each night... despite frequent visits, i could feel her growing more distant. then about a week and a half ago she just left me. adding it to the pile of problems that had been mounting over time... i had depended on her as my support, she kept me going through all the other problems. and now its gone.

and here i am again, one year later, having made no progress, if anything im in deeper depression than i had been. but for some reason im still here. i cant explain it. but i am.

again im sorry to keep posting depressing shit on everyone... im sorry.