Reply #15: thank goodness you are getting out of there in one more month...

[lavenderdiva]

the best advice I can think of is to limit your time at home as much as possible. I find it best not to be around to be her verbal punching bag, as those words stick in your head, and cause untold hurt for a long, long time. I know you are living at home, but is there somewhere you can go in the evenings, until she goes to sleep? Are you working? If so, can you go to a friend's house until late in the evening, if you have to sleep at home, and then go home when she has gone to bed. Alcoholics are usually much more pleasant in the morning after they have slept it off. If you are not working, can you go to a library or something during the day, maybe a park and read? I'm not sure what your situation is. When my mother was alive, and doing the same thing to me, I used to go to the library until they closed at 8pm, then I would drive in circles for hours until I thought she had gone to bed. I would also go to a mall and just walk around to be around other people (but not her), and then wait until late and then go home. Spent many evenings at friends' homes.

You do not have to take it, and need to look to start protecting yourself from such outbursts. You are not her verbal punching bag. Your spirit can only take so much. At some point, you will begin to see yourself as an adult, and a separate entity from her, and start protecting yourself from her abuse. Its very unfortunate that the situation disintegrates to this sometimes, but there's only so much you can do for her, if she insists on drinking.

You are not a monster. From your posts about this situation, you sound like you care immensely for your mother, and are stymied on how to take care of her. It sounds like you would want nothing more than to have a loving relationshiop with your mother, and have her care about you, and say how much she loves you, and let her know how much you love her. Its very difficult to speak rationally with alcoholics when they are 'looped'. Sometimes, its even difficult when they are 'sober' between binges. Cognitive dialogue is often impossible. If your mother is becoming increasingly angry with you while she drinks (which sounds like it is the case), you can't reason with her. The best thing you could do, is take care of yourself. That means protecting your spirit and mind from hearing such painfully hurtful things.

I am sure your mother loves you very much. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a disease that ravages minds, and many things are said that are not true, and are not meant. That doesn't really help once they are uttered; it hurts the same. You need to love her in spite of herself and this disease. She is probably depressed as well. She needs treatment. I'm not sure how old you are, and if you have someone older, who is close to your mother, whom she respects. If there is someone like this that you can turn to, who can help you, do it. They can help you get treatment for your mother. I know you want the best for her, and want her to be well, and happy, and loving.

I'm so, so, sorry that you are going thru this. But that is important for you to realize: you are going through this situation, you are not staying in it. You will get through it, and come out stronger, and be more sympathetic to others in the same situation. It will take a while, but you will make it. I hope you have friends who you trust, and to whom you can lean on. We are here at DU for you, but sometimes you just need a REAL hug, feeling the arms encircling you, and holding you. We are always here to send you lots of these:
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: