HELP WANTED: Law-abiding citizens need not apply.

[caledesi]

Stop bitchin' about not having a job. There are some great upscale, high-paying, exciting jobs out there. You just have to break the law to qualify.

Position: Political Talk-Show Host

Qualifications: Must have at least a felony. Experience scoring "hillbilly heroin" necessary. Must smoke Cuban (illegal) cigars. Must be married at least 3 times. Must be good liar. Must be able to talk while high as a kite. Slurring words and resembling a pig is a plus.

Education: Whatever.

Military: No experience. Must be able to avoid draft thru creative means (ex. pimple on your ass...ass must be BIG)

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I am going to be posting a hopefully funny Help-Wanted ad every night. One caveat - must be feeling well. (As most of you know, I don't always feel great w/ my illness).