Stories from the Road: Solitude

[Tobin S.]

A lot of people think the hardest part of trucking is handling the rig, and it is difficult to learn to do it proficiently. There is a DUer that asked if I'd help him get into trucking. I told him that of course I would. One of the first things I said to him was that trucking was not easy. It gets easier with experience, but it never gets easy. After failing to get his CDL on the first try and then actually getting a taste of what real world trucking was like at a trucking company, he told me that it was an understatement when I said that trucking wasn't easy.

Learning how to drive a rig and being a qualified driver is difficult. When I went through trucking school, only half of my class graduated. That was just people who couldn't handle the rigs. Many more don't last very long out in the real world of trucking. Winter claims a lot of them. Traffic violations get quite a few. Drug and alcohol tests get some of them. Trucking also puts a great deal of stress on a family, and many drivers find that trucking isn't worth the pain it causes their spouses and kids.

That stuff was hard for me, too. But if you can make it through all of that there is one thing that might get you at any point in your career, no matter how safe and experienced you are. That is solitude. I don't think many people are made for a life of solitude. The solitude of trucking was actually a godsend to me at the time I got into it over thirteen years ago. I was having psychological difficulty and I just wanted to be away from everyone. The thought of riding down the road for ten hours at a stretch and only having to deal with people maybe once a day was very appealing to me. I loved the empty highways out west along with the beautiful scenery. The picture at the top was taken back then. I think it was April of 1999. I was at a deserted rest area out in Wyoming. I owned that truck, and even though it was just an old company truck reject, it was a source of pride for me.

But I was alone all the time. I even went out of my way to avoid socializing on the CB and in the truck stops. When at a shipper or receiver I would not sit with the other drivers and shoot the breeze with them if I could avoid it. I would wait in my truck. There is a line from a Metallica song that goes something like, "Like a poison that I swallow, but I want the world to die." That was my state of mind.

But believe it or not, even in that anti-social state of mind, the solitude got to me. I would stay out on the road for 2 or 3 months at a time, and it got to me. I took a local job after 3.5 years as a long haul driver. Even though I was paranoid and I thought everyone else was the source of my problems, I still needed human contact, even if it was someone calling me an asshole or a dumb ass (which happened from time to time). I preferred that to being alone for months at a time.

I'm thinking about doing that long haul stuff again. I thought for a while there that I would get all domesticated and stuff and settle down and start a family. Even though I'm sane and easy to get along with now days, it just isn't happening for me. But you won't find me out on the road for three months at a stretch unless I've got somebody to ride along with me. Even if you're crazy and anti-social, solitude can make things worse. Not many people are made for a life of solitude. Not many at all I don't think.