You know what commercials need to die a horrible screaming death?

[Danger Mouse]

      Those fucking commercials for 'Free Credit Report'. You
know, the one where some douchebag with a guitar sings a hard
luck song about how much better his life would've been if only
he'd gotten a free credit report? I hate them with the passion
of 10,000 burning suns. You know why? Because they make light
of the fact that having a bad credit rating is the equivalent
of having a scarlet letter in this country. Make a mistake?
Pay for it for years and years afterward, for no good reason
other than that business can bend you over and fuck you eight
ways from Sunday just because they feel like it.
      And these commericals hand some drooling shithead a
guitar and tell him to sing a cute song about it. Cause, you
know, poverty and desperation are HILARIOUS, and people with
scarlet letters are so deserving of mockery anyway! My rage,
already hotter than the surface of the sun covered in hot
sauce, burned brighter when I saw an ad for this shit on
Myspace, featuring the Lord of Suck himself, Guitardouche,
saying 'you've heard the songs, now hit yourself over the head
with a stone mallet repeatedly till it seems funny and you'd
like to use our service!'
     You know what? A commercial could be a giant middle
finger screaming 'FUCK YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT NOW BUY OUR
PRODUCT' and it'd be less insulting to my intelligence than
that steaming pile of shit put together by Free Credit Report.
No, Free Credit Report, fuck you, and everything you
represent.