Question for parents and those considering becoming parents.

[grace0418]

I'm nearly 37 and my husband is starting to get antsy about having a baby. I, however, am ambivalent. I don't want to be having my first child at 42 (not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but for me that wouldn't work), but I don't feel like I want one right now either.

Were any of you parents out there really ambivalent before having a child? After you had the child, did that all go away or did you wish you had waited? Be honest, I'm not questioning whether you love or want your child. I'm just asking for your honest assessment of whether or not you feel "being ready" is important or even possible. I mean, I *know* you can never be completely ready for being a parent, but is a certain level of readiness that important? Or does it all fall into place once you lay eyes on that baby?

How about you folks also considering taking the plunge? Do you feel like a person should *really* want a child before deciding to have one or do you think actually having one will change they way the person feels about it?

I love kids, I really do. And sometimes I can really see myself as a mom. But other times I feel completely stifled by the idea. There's so much I want to do and so many places I want to see, and I just don't know if I'm totally willing to give up the next 18 years to be someone's mom. Sure, we can take vacations and go places once the kid is a little older, but I know that most of my waking hours are going to be devoted to that child until they go off to college.

I guess my desire to be a good mom is playing a role here too. I don't want to resent my child, or live vicariously through my child, or heaven forbid neglect my child. I guess that's what scares me about being so torn about the idea. What if I have the child and I end up regretting it? What an awful thing to do to a baby. I'm the youngest of eleven and had to fight for any scrap of attention I got from my parents, who were pretty over the idea of parenting by the time I came around. So I never want to do that to my child.

If I'm being completely honest, I can say with some certainty that I would not even be considering having a child right now if I wasn't nearly 37. The idea that "time is running out" seems like a bad reason to have a baby but it's a real factor.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts.

:hi: