Reply #182: Good for standing by your principles, however, you offered the money

[mtnester]

to her then broke her confidence by going to her father. During a serious time of stress for her.

Withholding it from her now, based on the multiple reasons you have mentioned, sounds like punishment to me for her "slacker" attitude. It truly does. I have read all the posts carefully by you, and they are critical of her attitude. Every time.

So, when you say how much more can we do for her? Talk with her, tell her you do not approve of what she is doing, but your original offer stands. Write down some terms of repayment for your loan (it should not be a gift) and let her move on.

Sometimes lessons learned are on both sides. You reneged on a promise that she asked for during a time of stress and anxiety for her. If you did not want to do it, you should have said no at the beginning. And you should have left her father OUT of the situation. First thing you did was run to him, even though you professed concern for his health situation at home.

Believe me, it was hard enough for her to come asking for this. No matter how she talks about her condition, it is not an easy thing. She will be scared, no matter her "tough talk."

AND before I get jumped here, yes, I have had an abortion. So I can speak to the stress of the situation. The fact that she is 26 and facing this problem and not 15 says she was at least practicing birth control, and sounds like something went wrong. It could have been a birth control method failure, antibiotic conflict, or some other situation. Did you know most pharmacists STILL do not warn women about the conflicts between antibiotics and their birth control pills? It is, IMO, a subtle way to harm women for using birth control by some (not all) pharmacists. Good ones remind you.

I am not asking you to reconsider, I am asking you to re-evaluate how you handled the situation. If this young woman finds the means on her own, she will NEVER come to you for anything again, since you broke a commitment and her confidence.

We don't get to choose the family we get, all we can do is love, support and counsel them along the way. You should have said no right away if the abortion issue bothered you, rather than get her hopes up in resolving a stressful situation for her.

My thoughts and prayers for a healing resolution to your family's crisis, all of them, are being sent your way. :)


Edits were for serious typos only.