Reply #9: GOP SPAMS INSULTS AGAINST LIBERALS

[Dirigo]

This is what I received in my E-mail today! Looks like the GOP are frantic about the more enlightened. Can someone take the time and turn this insult around and lets SPAM the GOP with what we think of them. Be my guest...beat up this piece of prose and lets slap the bastards up side the head! Morons all of 'em.

History Lesson for today!

Caution:political content - some may be offended. Read at your own risk :)

HUMAN HISTORY 101

Division of the human family into two distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and many would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalysts for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required raising and harvesting grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That is how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as The Conservative Movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B0Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of The Liberal Movement. Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as "girlymen."

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of so-called "democratic" voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives had prepared.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Some modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added) but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food (such as quiche) are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of the Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than the Liberal men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, government staffers, welfare bums, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the "designated hitter" rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Liberals also invented "political correctness" to destroy the Freedom of Speech that Conservatives have fought for all these years.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, military personnel, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who are willing to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production provided by Conservatives. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans are. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. The Liberals timidly crept in after the Wild West was tame and they created the business of trying to get MORE for nothing, including government handouts using the money collected with taxes on the Conservatives who had worked so hard to earn it.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.