Reply #34: I've had several experiences

[Burma Jones]

Three Speeding Tickets - No Big Deal, one in Maryland, one in New York and one in New Jersey.

Speeding warnings:

Once I was driving home (in my Mom's car) after my shift (I cooked)from the TGI Fridays off of the Gulf Freeway at the Fuqua exit, doing about 90 in the access lanes, after having about 7 martinis. I was pulled over by two of Houston's finest. I told the officer that there was probably a 9mm Baretta in the Glove Box and that I would open the Glove box and pull the Registration out VERY carefully. I vaguely remember him laughing and saying that it's OK, he didn't figure me for dangerous. Anyway, I got off with a warning and was told - I swear to God - that if I wanted to drive that fast I had to use the main road - to which I responded - Hell, I just thought y'all had REAL BIG highways in Texas....

I passed an unmarked police car on I-40 on my way to Wilmington NC about 10 miles after turning off I-95. It was about midnight and I was driving my wife's car which was festooned with Grateful Dead and various Eastern Philosophy bumper stickers. The officer asked where I was going and I, in my best (authentic) southern accent told him I was goin down to Wilmington to see my Daddy (I was 37 at the time). He checked the license and registration, and made a pretty thorough sweep of the car's interior with his flashlight, and then lectured me on the usefulness of Cruise Control.



Getting Frisked and Handcuffed:

In Galesburg, IL, I was frisked, handcuffed and arrested for participating in a riot. The riot was a snowball fight with about 200 participants at Knox College. There was some violence and fighting occurring in the melee. A hand grabbed me and I swung and hit what I thought to be a member of the Beta Theta Pi fraternity but was instead, a Galesburg, IL policeman. Some three hours later, I was released because the Police were not invited on the campus and the Magistrate did not agree that a snowball fight constituted a clear and present danger......

And my best Cop story....

In Gaithersburg, MD, there is a road that connects 355 and 117, this road is called Game Preserve Road. The road goes under frequently used railroad tracks using a one-lane, 19th century bridge. Legend states that if you sit under the bridge as a train goes overhead, you can hear the ghost of the Headless Horseman - Maryland version. So, some friends from the Markland Medieval Militia and I were sitting in an empty area right next to the tracks awaiting the next train. The car was full of daggers and swords and two of the guys were wearing chain mail. We were all wearing Thor's Hammers around our necks, much like Christians wear crosses. A police car passes by, we take no notice because, for once, we are not drinking or getting high. Soon afterward, three cruisers pull up, six officers get out of their cars and as the first one catches sight of the daggers and swords, he pulls out his revolver (yes, revolver) as does the other five and they yell at us to keep our hands up etc etc etc. Our windows were down, I was riding Shotgun, so the Driver and I each have cocked guns pressed against our temples. We exit the car and assume the position. As they frisk us and determine we are not armed, the ranking officer starts grilling the driver about the weapons. Now, the Driver is an African American AND in a Medieval Militia and performs in Renaissance Fairs and is an honors student, oh and was also an all-county Nose Guard - so he's big, black and menacing ---- unless you talk to him. So, the whole "we dress up and play" story wasn't going down too well. They start yelling at us about whether they would find stolen property in the trunk and other such tough guy cop stuff. One of the guys in the back seat was giggling (once the guns were holstered) - one of the cops, in one of my favorite lines ever said (I swear this is true) "You won't be laughing when you feel the cold steel of the cuffs on your wrists Smiley" - I've called people Smiley ever since. At that time, a more Senior officer pulls up and gets the story from the lead cop there and asks us to confirm. He tells the younger officers to let us go, that nobody would "make this kind of shit up." Apologizes to us and tells us that this is private property and that there should be a No Trespassing sign, etc, etc, etc. We laugh and say we were just happy not to be shot.

A Run In with MPs:
I also happened to come across a back way to Camp David while driving around, completely stoned, in my Pickup Truck with a couple of my friends up in the Catoctins. Anyway, I had driven across a few streams, down a bunch of Forest Service roads when two guys in Camo with M-16s are in my headlights. Figuring making a quick getaway would be stupid, and that these guys are probably not at all interested in whether we had Pot, I stopped. We were asked to get out. I don't remember much of the details, but I did hand them my Dependent ID card (my Dad was a Navy Captain at the time) and we were told to get lost and forget how we got there.......