Reply #153: I think you are, but at least you're nice about it.

[lumberjack_jeff]

My wife and I have three kids. 15, 12 and 6. Having missed the older two as they grew up, I felt deprived of the experience. When our middle child was born, my wife stopped working to be a stay-at-home mom. Three years ago, (after a 20 year career) I was laid off and at about the same time, our youngest was diagnosed with a form of autism.

The wife went back to work and we readjusted our finances to deal with the new $ reality. So I'm a stay-at-home dad, dealing with the challenges of a child with a very significant disability, and building us a new house on weekends and while the kids are at school.

It's a great thing, and I'm glad to have not missed out on the 6 year-old's childhood, but I resent two things a great deal;
1) the stereotype that men abandon their families, when
2) it's highly atypical for fathers to be given custody of their children, (unless mom has a really terrible and obvious drug problem) and when they seek it, the request is dismissed with a stereotype "he's only doing it to save child support". I find that the reverse is rarely said about moms in custody battles. In fact, I know many fathers who were powerless when mom moved to another state with their kids, leaving only a POB for child support checks. Visitation is not enforced to the extent that child support is. If the best interest of the children (as opposed to the custodial parent) were the overriding consideration, involvement by both parents would be enforced and encouraged.

I think dads are in no way less serious about the responsibility of parenting, and if anything understand the big picture that the job of parenting is to produce the next generation of independent, conscientious, responsible adults.

I'm not going to disparage moms contribution - it is different and equally important. Children need discipline and moral guidance in the same proportion as caregiving and emotional support.

One last thing; men aren't the only source of the problems identified in this thread. A co-worker of my wife was recently commenting on her husband's desire to be a SAHD, "I can't understand how any self-respecting man could consider just staying home."

Having your cake (men are so irresponsible) and eating it too (my body, my choice) is a good situation, when you think about it.

"Men should be responsible for women's choices" is problematic. From a purely political standpoint, this is one of the reasons that men are less likely to vote democrat.