Reply #7: here is what i think is part of the problem....

[ejpoeta]

people don't know what to do. There are so many books and everyone telling people how to be parents... and then you have kids who know that all they have to do is go to the teacher or whoever and say my mom hit me (even if she didn't) and the kids don't realize what they are doing... or don't care. I am not saying parents should spank their kids... or that they do... but kids have this idea that they can get their parents in trouble.

I will admit I have had a lot of problems with my children's behavior. Emily was always difficult. She had temper tantrums every time we left the house it seemed. It was a learning process to get her to a place where she would usually behave. She would throw herself on the floor in the store and have a fit. I would pick her up and carry her out of the store. But that is not always possible. She would scream and throw a fit in the cart and I would ignore it..... because she is trying to get a reaction.

It has been a learning curve... especially when you were spanked as a child and are trying NOT to do that. I have found that incentives and taking things away seems to have the best impact. Like at the store, if they are good then there is a chance they may get a treat, though it is not guaranteed... but if they misbehave then there is no chance. I will not reward bad behavior.

It's still a learning curve. Each child is different and responds to different things. But it's easier to get them while they are young enough that you can pick them up and carry them out if you need to. Sometimes you have to let them have their fit and ignore them... even if people stare.

Oh, and emily LOVES to tell me she hates me and such when i am 'mean' and have to restrain her. Haven't had to do it in awhile though. She has ADHD and we have really struggled when she has her meltdowns. SHe calls me names and spits at me. I try to remain calm and my motto is... someone has to be mean, it might as well be me... and if you hate me then I know i must be doing something right. My job is not to be a friend to my child. I am the parent and she is the child and i will remind her of that when needed.