Reply #25: The things we don't know...

[UncleSepp]

There was an assumption that came up a couple times upthread, that Julio left Lawrence to become a man, or that gender was an issue in the marriage.

Not necessarily.

I have been in this situation myself, and married with the full intention of remaining married to my husband for the rest of my life. The marriage failed for other reasons, and only after the wheels had completely fallen off that wagon did I look into gender reassignment. This is not at all uncommon for transgendered people who marry before transition.

Gender is not the only thing in a transgendered person's life, being trans is not the one explanation for everything, and a transgendered person's promise is worth the same as anyone else's. We don't know what ended their marriage, and it doesn't really matter.

If a husband wanted to stop paying alimony to his ex-wife because he had been a banker and she became a biker, would anyone even question whether it was her desire to be a biker that broke up the marriage? If he wanted to terminate his contractual obligations because he had been a Catholic and she became a Protestant, would it be assumed that the marriage failed because of her innate Protestant nature? What if Julio had decided to get short hair, or a tattoo, or a boob job? Julio chose to live differently after his divorce than during his marriage. Most people do. It doesn't matter.

We don't know whether gender was an issue during the marriage. It may have been. It may not have been. It doesn't matter. At one time, these two people decided to get married. It didn't work out for whatever reason. They agreed on the terms of spousal support, and now, Lawrence is attempting to redefine those terms in such a way that he is no longer liable for spousal support payments. A contract is a contract, an agreement is an agreement, and what Lawrence is doing is weaselly as hell.

As for the "if he could afford the surgery, he doesn't need the payments..." Not necessarily. We do not know how Julio paid for the transition costs, and we don't know what they cost. The article doesn't specify what surgeries Lawrence has had or how much he paid. A phalloplasty, which is one of the more expensive surgeries, is enough to satisfy the surgical requirements for changing the gender on a Florida driver's license, on birth certificates in states that allow gender change on the birth certificate, and on a US passport. The phalloplasty can be done for less than $12,000. That's the price of a five year old used car in decent condition. If Julio had bought a five year old used car, would anyone be claiming that he ought to not get his contractually agreed upon spousal support because he obviously doesn't need it?

Hormones are optional, but can be obtained for about $20 a month. and the counseling required can be obtained for a low cost to sometimes even free. If Julio bought a five year old used car, and spent a dollar every weekday on coffee, would anyone be claiming he doesn't need spousal support because he is making too much money?

We don't know if Julio already had a hysterectomy, or if it was medically necessary and covered by insurance, or whether it was an out of pocket expense. If it was, it can be done for about $10,000. That would bring surgical costs to about $22,000. That's as much as a one year old used car in good condition. If Julio had bought a one year old used car, would it invalidate his spousal support payments?

Of course not! Assumptions and judgments are being made about what reassignment surgery costs and whether Julio should be allowed to choose to spend his extra money on it. If it were an expensive thing Julio bought that is the same kind of expensive thing most people buy, there wouldn't be a discussion. If it were a car or a truck, there wouldn't be a discussion. But because Julio may have bought a penis replacement that doesn't come with an engine and wheels, everybody gets to have an opinion on it?