Does what Rep. Anthony Weiner did constitute cheating on his wife?

[Pryderi]

Poll question: Does what Rep. Anthony Weiner did constitute cheating on his wife?

I say yes.

[pnwmom]

1. That depends on what their understanding was.

But I would expect that it did.

[Tx4obama]

2. There was no physical contact and no meetings face to face, so NO. n/t

[Cid_B]

3. Ha....

I'd love to try that one on my wife. Then you could send out the search teams and dogs for my body a few weeks later. I doubt you'd be successful.

It's cheating...

[seabeyond]

5. hey, i know i couldnt get away with it with hubby.... nt

[JoePhilly]

90. Is masturbating cheating?

When a person masturbates, they usually include a fantasy. Some real person, a generic person, or a celebrity. Rarely does one masturbate and fantasize about their spouse, although that does happen too.

But is that cheating?

I have to go with physical contact between the players for actual cheating.

Let's say a man and a women, both married to other people start having lunch. And then they start to discuss sex. They never kiss, and never have sex. But they discuss doing so.

While their spouses have every right to be pissed about this situation ... its not cheating ... at least not yet. But it is getting close, and it needs to stop.

But there is a line of physical contact which has yet to be crossed.

[Cid_B]

91. There is a difference and it is fairly obvious...

A man and a woman talking about the process of intercourse for a research project is slightly different than talking about how bad you wanna @#$ with your $%@# in her ^#$% and then &#$%%#$....

twice...

Emotional affair vs talking about what adults talk about....

[JoePhilly]

100. SO carry that thought to the next logical point.

What you have just said is that TALKING about doing it, its EQUAL to doing it.

Let's take a married women who is contemplating having an affair with some other man. So after a few weeks of talking about it, she and the man meet at a hotel.

She goes up to his room. He's there. He kisses her. Then, she backs up and says "Wait, I can't do this. Its wrong." And she leaves.

Under your logic, she might as well have stayed and had sex with the guy, because she's already cheated on her husband.

[Cid_B]

101. Didn't say it was the exact same thing...

They are both emotionally devastating to most people however.

I'm curious why you seem so bound and determined to prove otherwise.

[seabeyond]

103. as we have all said, everyone is individual. personally, i dont want

or need to be with someone, if they really dont want to be with me. i hear others that say, they dont want to know. my hubby being one. i dont get it. but, if that scenario happened, hubby made it all the way to a location, and then backed out, i would seriously wonder if he wanted to go out on his own and would be a consideration. dont want to be with me, dont have to. be honest. so for me would be a deal. for others, they would feel blessed the mate back down

[seabeyond]

92. i think it is a foreplay to cheating, personally. why i said.... wouldnt fly with hubby. we work

at not hurting each other. neither of us have any great need, that we must do, that would hurt each other. works for us. is relatively easy for us.

masturbation.... meh

having lunch, talking sex. over the line for either of us. there is not the need to play.

a poster said it well. for us, marriage is getting off the market. not playing the game anymore. both of us are fine with that.

[lbrtbell]

10. Cybersex is also cheating

It's emotional infidelity, and that's the part that hurts the most out of any form of infidelity.

[unapatriciated]

77. I agree and it is just as damaging to a relationship as physical cheating

[MissMarple]

4. Physically or virtually, it's pretty much the same. So, yes.

Definitely.

[Tx4obama]

9. Virtual reality is NOT 'reality'. It's all in the mind.

There is a slippery slope here that folks are sliding down.

We all need to say NO to the 'thought police'.

[lbrtbell]

12. We need to say no to the excuse-makers

It's not "thought police" to expect a man to share racy photos and messages with his wife, and only his wife.

[TheKentuckian]

19. Why do you have "expectations" regarding other people's relationships?

My expectation is for folks to manage their own affairs.

[masmdu]

47. Unless she also gets off on having him share the pix

[Raine]

46. Disagree ... there is a REAL PERSON on the other end

when you do that YOU ARE interacting with a REAL PERSON.

[emilyg]

81. Yes.

[lumberjack_jeff]

6. Cheating in the same sense as having a credit card using your work address.

Or in the same sense as having a secret cash stash.
Or not telling your spouse about the proposition you recieved.
Or that new carburetor/pair of shoes.
Or any other violation of trust by keeping a secret because your partner would object to it.

"Keep it in your pants!" Uh, he did?
"Think about the diseases you exposed me to!" hmm. Uh, well...
"You should have been home!" You were?

Not everything that is unacceptable is cheating. If it doesn't involve sex, or physical contact, or any sort of face to face meeting, or even being in the same time zone, it's not adultery.

[George Wythe]

7. Betrayal is cheating...

[Pryderi]

21. +1

[thewiseguy]

8. 8 people voted no? Really?

Should this even be asked? I am in disbelief by some people on DU.

[William769]

13. Define the word cheat?

I just added a no vote BTW.

[thewiseguy]

15. So it is ok to have phone sex and send pictures of your penis to other women when you are married?

If that is not cheating then what is?

[seabeyond]

17. phone sex, cyber sex, oral sex, emotional connection all ok, just dont put A into B

and you are safe.

highly defined interpretation of cheating.

[thewiseguy]

20. That is some meaningful relationship right there

:rofl:

Especially when your wife is pregnant.

[lumberjack_jeff]

28. Is viewing porn cheating? n/t

[William769]

24. Adultery?

[masmdu]

48. Yes, it's ok if both partners agree to it.

[seabeyond]

49. of course it is ok if both agree.... geeez. nt

[masmdu]

51. My point being that we don't have any idea whether she agreed to it or not , so why call it cheating

?

[seabeyond]

57. his statement says, he promised he would stop before marrying, and he is sorry he hurt her now

sounds like they did not have that agreement

[masmdu]

65. Sounds like you are correct ,then. It would be her call as to whether it is cheating or not

[masmdu]

67. I just object to the idea that under ANY circumstane sexting is cheating

[George Wythe]

59. Tell me now, does Huma look like the type of woman who would approve

of this sort of thing? :think:

[masmdu]

62. Books and covers...Always hard to tell...Did Weiner look like he'd be taking pix of his cock?

[Tx4obama]

68. You can't tell how kinky women are by just looking at them.

Btw, I am a woman.

[George Wythe]

80. I am well aware of that. However, if you are suggesting that a serious professional woman

who is expecting her first child was aware of this--no offense, but you have lost your mind.

[masmdu]

94. If you are suggesting that a serious professional woman who is expecting her first child is not

possibly able to willingly participate in / condone a partner's sexting...no offense, your mind is closed.

[lbrtbell]

14. Now it's up to 11

Their spouses REALLY need to see that.

[seabeyond]

16. betcha if their spouses did this, put this time into this, hooked up on the phone, we would hear a

different tone.

[Tx4obama]

23. With that logic then all the men that spend 'time' in the bathroom with a magazine

penthouse, hustler, etc. are cheating on their wives? I think not.

When people get married their spouse does not 'own' every minute of their day.

[seabeyond]

29. not even... nt

[thewiseguy]

31. LOL, so watching porn is the same as having phone sex?

and dirty talking with women and sending them pictures of your penis on the internet?

By the way the guy just recently got married.

[Tx4obama]

33. Yes they married a yeara ago and are having a baby

Since we don't know what sort of kinky things she's into,
it is not up to us to nose into their private lives.

[seabeyond]

44. private life doesnt go on the net, ergo, not private. he said promised he would stop BEFORE they

married and said he hurt her now.

i think he told us what was going on in their marriage

[Tx4obama]

64. Please post a link with a quote that says he 'promised he would stop'

I believe he said in his statement that he told Huma about his online activities that occurred before they were married, but I have heard nothing about a 'promise to stop'.

[TheKentuckian]

27. That is for those in the relationship to define and to decide how they want to handle it.

I consider it very different than fucking around. I may not approve but wouldn't be trying to make exchanging pictures the same as swapping fluids.

I've always been faithful and have had to deal with REAL infidelity and deem this situation nonsense.

[seabeyond]

30. dont approve, wouldnt want it done to your, yet nonsense.

and i am sorry you have had to experience in past. i havent. and am thankful. trust would be hard....

[Raine]

55. I had to deal with it too and it was this type

of thing that lead to it, where it went "all the way". I guess that is why I take a very dim view of it since that is when and where the betrayal began.

[LadyHawkAZ]

34. You'd be wrong

although I'd want a three-way call now and then. :)

Jealousy is never beneficial, always destructive.

[seabeyond]

45. yes... i understand. sell yourself, too. your right. big thumbs up.

[LadyHawkAZ]

52. I love the smell of tolerance in the morning

:sarcasm:

[seabeyond]

58. not only tolerance, yours to do. truly

since it is something you discussed on du, and have nto a single issue, and see it as a job, then.... we should see it that way also, correct? otherwise am i not looking at it as an intolerance if i stay "hush". you lifestyle. your choice. i have always been cool with others choices.

[LadyHawkAZ]

60. If I thought you genuinely believed any of that

I'd be proud of you.

[seabeyond]

72. i do. absolutely. and you will never hear me say otherwise. if you do

please, jump all over my ass.

if a perrson has no reason for embarassment and shame, then why should i give it to them, pretending it cannot be spoken about because???? there is shame. that makes no sense to me at all.

but

i came on to see if you want me to delete, cause you dont want me to talk about it.

[LadyHawkAZ]

74. No

I just question why on earth you'd bring it up here, where it isn't even remotely connected to the issue under discussion. That to me shows malice and lack of tolerance. If I cared who knew about it I wouldn't have posted it on a public forum to begin with.

[masmdu]

56. You'd lose that bet as often as not

[krabigirl]

70. I am laughing that this is still even an issue.

[winston65]

86. yes, I did vote no because I do not

give a rat's ass what he did and I further do not give a rat's ass that he lied about. A politician telling a lie? OMG, don't see that much. It's not my business, and other pols have done far worse and survived. There are far worse problems facing the country that Weiner's willy. People,get over yourselves.

[TheKentuckian]

11. No and if he did I don't care because he isn't my mate

[DCBob]

18. My wife would certainly think so..

and vice-versa.

[FLPanhandle]

22. So would my wife.

And I'd have no defense because I'd have to agree with her.

[DevonRex]

41. I bet a lot of wives have now made it very clear that they

would consider it cheating. Maybe husbands have said that to their wives too. Most people don't need it spelled out though, right?

[Pryderi]

25. If my wife sent nude pix of herself to other men, I would feel cheated on.

[tnlefty]

26. Isn't that for his wife to determine?

I'm staying out of it as he's not my spouse.

I say let her decide.

[Pryderi]

35. And if your spouse sent nude pix to others? Don't you have an opinion?

[masmdu]

40. My opinion (even though you didn't ask ME) is that IF she got off on what he was up to, then "No"

If she was a willing participant in some manner than you could hardly call it cheating.

[tnlefty]

69. And if he did, it would be for me to determine, not you nor anyone else.

Considering our ages and the fact that we're both very tech-challenged, I just might be impressed.:P

[JohnnyLib2]

32. Not successfully?

[bainz]

36. My wife thought I was cheating

My wife thought I was cheating with the "bottle." I was a drinker.

During that time, she found an old flame online and told them how they made her curl her toes and how she would take long showers thinking of them...telling them how I was not satisfying her.

It's just fantasy.

Then it turned into a "hey, if you ever fly through town, we could get together." If that is not cheating, I don't know what is.

Sure, I was not being the partner she wanted at the time, not the person she married. I was too wrapped up in paying bills and trying to keep our heads above water.

But to say those things to someone else, instead of confronting issues with your life partner? I would call cheating.

Who knows if she sent pix.

[closeupready]

37. No, not in my book. But anyway, that's for his wife to decide, isn't it?

nt

[pipi_k]

38. If she thinks it was cheating, then it was. Simple as that. n/t

[masmdu]

39. No, not necessarily. The sexting may have been a part of their relationship

If he had already told her about it before they were married then I can imagine a senario in which she may have either given her blessing to allow it to continue or may have been active in it herself. It all depends on their arrangment.

That said, even if he had her permission or she participated by taking some pleasure from the experience, it does not mean that it was ok for him to lie to her about the situation.

[Iggo]

42. Ask his wife.

[EFerrari]

43. Where is the "none of my business" option?

[Philippine expat]

50. Emotionally

Not physically

[KarenS]

53. If he didn't think it was cheating, then why lie?? n/t

[Tommy_Carcetti]

54. Let me ask my good friend Tommy Lee Jones...

What do you think, Tommy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEIPq_gewL0

[6000eliot]

61. There wasn't a choice for "It's none of our goddamned business."

[dkf]

63. I'm not sure but he certainly humiliated her.

[CTyankee]

82. Yep. Women really like that. So I'm sure they had this deal.

Ya know, he'd have his little "chats" and she'd go to work and simply shut up about his little "proclivity." Ya know, like it's his thing! He's just doing his thing, right?

[LanternWaste]

66. If one won't do something like this with full knowledge and consent of the spouse

If one won't do something like this with full knowledge and consent of the spouse, then it it certainly cheating on the spouse... regardless of how one may rationalize it to themselves.

But then again, I have some top-notch workers at the office whose own dalliances have zero performance on their job.

[KamaAina]

71. I dunno.

Why don't you ask his wife? :shrug:

[MountainLaurel]

73. Depends on how they and they alone define cheating n/t

[TroglodyteScholar]

75. Was he cheating? No. Was he acting like an immature, selfish, moronic teenager? Yes. n/t

[hack89]

76. Yes. nt

[gkhouston]

78. The only opinion that matters is his wife's, so why ask us? n/t

[mmonk]

79. Only cheating is cheating, not imaginary cheating.

So did he cheat?

[CTyankee]

83. Well, if your spouse did it what would you think?

[mmonk]

88. She was crazy.

[Xithras]

84. Dishonest and creepy? Sure. Cheating? No.

Cheating implies either a sexual physical relationship, or an emotional relationship. It doesn't sound like he had either. It was puerile and adolescent playing around with virtual strangers that he'd never met without having any kind of real relationship with them. I can see why a wife might find it offensive and be angry at that kind of behavior, but it isn't "cheating".

If this is cheating, then any woman who wears a skimpy bikini in the presence of men she isn't married to, for the purpose of showing off, is also cheating. Since women generally wear skimpy bikinis in order to show off, that covers most of them. Mooning a passing car, or flashing your boobs at Mardi Gras would also be cheating. Most people DON'T consider those things cheating. It's rude, offensive, and certainly in poor taste, but it is not "cheating".

[scarletwoman]

85. The thing about marriage - it generally means you take yourself out of the hookup market.

It generally means you confine getting your sexual jollies to your partner. Isn't that supposed to be what monogamy is all about?

So, to me, if you're still putting yourself out there in the hookup market, virtual or not, you're not playing by the rules of monogamy.

Yes, it's cheating. The only way it wouldn't be cheating is if your partner is fully cogizant of your activity and has expressly given their okay.

[ProfessorGAC]

87. Intent is Always Part of The Punishment

Some things are accidents. Some are not. And, the potential to actually cheat by following through on his shabby behavior are far more likely given his intent.

He's a scumbag. Don't try to parse what he did.
GAC

[Johonny]

89. I do not know

If he were calling phone sex lines would that be? Was he dong this to form relationships or just for sexual fantasy? I imagine his wife will make the final decision not DU :)

[MrSlayer]

93. Not in my opinion.

Stupid? Yes. Juvenile? Yes. No penetration of any sort, never even in the same room with these people to me equals not cheating.

[bigwillq]

95. Has anyone asked the wife?

Besides the bickering going on here (which I am enjoying! :bounce:), I really haven't followed this story too, too closely.

[Hamlette]

96. if you said "yes", how to you classify cat calls or men who whistle at women?

Is that cheating?

Is it cheating to talk to your friends about someone's cute butt? Where is the line

Not all face to face flirting is welcome but there is a certain type of guy who can do it and leave me flattered and charmed.

What's the diff?

[seabeyond]

97. asses... just sayin. nt

[JackRiddler]

98. This poll constitutes a kind of harrassment of his wife, I'd say.

Do you need to answer that question for her? Surely it's hers to answer, and hers to decide if she'll ever let you know what she thinks about your particular interpretation.

[JackRiddler]

99. What's this? Did I kill this thread? I'd better kick it or people might think about Japan...

Or worse, find Yemen on a map.

[lynne]

102. YES, definitely cheating. -

It's plain to see that the true love of his life is himself.

[slackmaster]

104. The only person whose answer to that question matters is his wife

:nuke: