Obama To Make Reassuring Eye Contact With Every Last American

[Hissyspit]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-to-make-reassuring-eye-contact-with-every-la,17574

NEWS
Obama To Make Reassuring Eye Contact With Every Last American

JUNE 9, 2010 | ISSUE 46•23



Obama's calm, piercing gaze helps a jogger come to terms with the timetable for withdrawal of troops in Iraq.

ROCKLAND, ME—In an attempt to convince an anxious populace that his legislative agenda is working and that everything is going to be all right, President Barack Obama embarked on a 50-state, 30,000-town tour Monday during which he plans to gaze assuredly into the eyes of each American citizen, one at a time.

"I know a lot of people out there are nervous. They're worried about unemployment, the oil spill in the Gulf, and whether or not I am making the right choices in Washington," Obama said during a rally at Rockland District High School. "To those Americans, I offer you this inspiring, confident gaze."

Obama then stepped down from his podium, walked into the 2,000-person audience, and peered comfortingly into each person's eyes. After taking 45 minutes to methodically work his way from the front row all the way to the balcony, and punctuating each look with a gentle pat on the shoulder, Obama returned to the stage, collected himself, and addressed the silent group before him.

"There," he said. "All better."

In their announcement of the "2010 Eye-to-Eye Tour," White House officials said that Obama will first spend two weeks making eye contact with the 55 million residents of the densely populated Northeastern states, looking into their eyes and, if necessary, offering them an encouraging head nod. Obama will then continue down the East Coast before taking on the tour's biggest challenge: gazing with confidence into the eyes of a hostile Southern electorate that largely rejects his policies.

MORE

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. ...

:rofl: :rofl:

:thumbsup:

[TheWraith]

2. It seems that he needs to start with DU. nt

[KittyWampus]

9. I think he'd have to hand out binkies here on the ole DU

:)

[flamingdem]

3. ! nt

[Autumn]

4. He did that with me when he campaigned here in Colorado

nodded and shook my hand.

[Hissyspit]

12. Remember when Bush tried it...?

Actually, he failed at several attempts:

[wildflower]

14. LOL

I love the baby's little sign. :D

The picture in the OP is funny too...is it real?

[Pirate Smile]

16. Here is your contrast pic:

?w=340&h=453

It wouldn't post over here for me. :(

[jobycom]

5. Love the last line.

"...some positive effects of his confident glance appear to have been negated by Vice President Joe Biden, who has been busy winking at every American citizen while pretending to shoot them with imaginary finger guns."

[chill_wind]

6. LOL! :-)

I foresee a dozen bzillion different captions on that picture.

[KittyWampus]

7. GAH!

:rofl:

[Laelth]

8. That's funny. k&r n/t

:dem:

-Laelth

[undeterred]

10. Looking forward to it.

[Individualist]

11. I love The Onion!

:rofl:

[Name removed]

13. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[scarletwoman]

15. Oh. Mah. Gawd.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Hydra]

17. Oh, man...

I REALLY hoped after 2008 that we would be leaving crazyland and the Onion would not sound like news...

[mistertrickster]

18. DID you write this yourself or did you get it from FREE REPUBLIC!?!

Why do you post here if you HATE OBAMA!?!

I think I'll send this to all my right-wing relatives so they can send it around in a HATE E-MAIL!

You worked for Obama? Yeah, that's what they all say!

******

Sorry, I posted a joke about Obama yesterday, and it turned into a feeding frenzy of what an ass**** I am. Looks like you missed the "really mad 'cause I'm working on a Friday afternoon crowd . . . "

Good stuff, btw.

K & R'd

[HughMoran]

19. Pretty funny

:D

[Jamastiene]

20. zOMG!

:spray:

:rofl: